


Guard

by Swanket



Category: Naruto
Genre: Akatsuki are more chill, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Bittersweet Ending, Feelings Realization, Friendship, Guardian Angel Sasori, M/M, Possibly Slow Burn, Romance, Tags May Change, The sad life of Deidara
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-23
Updated: 2020-08-09
Packaged: 2021-03-03 21:53:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 24,073
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24872599
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Swanket/pseuds/Swanket
Summary: Sasori is Deidara’s Guardian Angel. Typically, he always protected the humans and they never knew he existed. It was a bit depressing, but that was just how it went.When Deidara heard his voice, things started to change.*Was on hiatus due to burnout in fics overall, but I am now ready to start writing again and plan on finishing the last chapter soon*
Relationships: Deidara/Sasori (Naruto)
Comments: 5
Kudos: 40





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Oh boy. I’ve never done a ship fic with canon characters. I’m a bit nervous, but it was actually really fun to write. Hope y’all enjoy :)

Deidara was reckless.

He was wild. An explosive personality that was truly unique.

“Jesus, Deidara, you almost killed us!”

“So what?”

Deidara swerved around the car that was going a ridiculously slow 58 when the speed limit was only 50. He slammed his foot on the gas pedal, and him and Hidan slammed back into their seats when the car picked up speed. Hidan immediately grasped the ‘oh shit’ handle, and prayed to Jashin that he wouldn’t fly out the damn window when they end up tumbling down a ditch. 

Deidara lazily flipped down the mirror to check and see if his eyeliner wasn’t fucked. He leaned up closer, and made sure the line wasn’t winged out too far. 

‘Perfect, hm.’

“Deidara, watch the fucking road!”

“Chill out, Hidan, you’re just paranoid!” Deidara yelled as he slammed the mirror back up, “My driving is perfectly fine. You’re just too much of a pussy when I go a little too fast.”

“Twenty over the speed limit is not ‘a little too fast’! I think I just about had a heart attack. Jashin help me. Your driving sucks, Deidara. Your seatbelt sucks as well! It feels like it’s cutting through my jugular.” Hidan said as he clutched his necklace.

“Whatever happens happens, Hidan. Once you think that, you won’t have to worry about a thing, yeah. Oh, I just ran a stop sign. Ha, whoops.”

Hidan hated driving with him. Every time he climbed into the car, he wondered if he would make it to their destination alive. Deidara just didn’t care. From what he has said in previous conversations, Hidan began to think that Deidara may be just the tiniest bit suicidal.

He can recall many other occasions besides the damn drives.

...

“Hidan can you come over and help me? I tried to explode my clay and I may have blown a hole through my fence. Gotta repair it before the neighbors call the cops on me, hm. They can’t accuse me of anything when there’s no damage evident.”

...

“Oh my Jashin. Deidara, you’re gonna fucking make us drop! Cut it out, asshole!”

Deidara laughed manically, and rocked their cart furiously from hundreds of feet in the air, “Ha! Now this is exciting! The danger is what’s fun, hm!”

“I’m never going to an amusement park with you again!”

...

“Deidara, if you don’t get your goddamn head back in here, then I swear to Jashin that I will make you fly out!”

Deidara laughed as his hair whipped wildly around his head. He threw his arms back, and let the car rush him through the air. That was the best part about Hidan driving. Deidara got to go through the sun roof.

“Not a chance, hm!”

...

Hidan wondered why he was even friends with the lunatic.

Deidara pulled into the driveway, slammed onto his brake, and managed to park while the vehicle was still moving. Hidan felt nausea when his body jerked forward, so he threw open the car door and puked in the grass.

“Hey, I think I’m getting better, Hidan. I only ran one stop sign today.” 

Hidan groaned as he wiped his mouth, and gave the blonde a nasty glare from over his shoulder. “Wow, Deidara, I’m glad you only performed one illegal action today. My head fucking hurts! Your ass better have some damn ibuprofen.”

“Why don’t you just drive? And don’t worry, I’ll make sure to get you some medicine, princess. I know you can’t handle anything anyway.”

“I don’t have a damn car yet. Fucking Kakuzu is a cheap bastard, and will only let me walk, take the bus, or bike like a loser. I can only use his car when he’s home. I hate him.”

“At least you have a roommate. I’m just by myself all the damn time. Glad that idiot Tobi is out, but I kinda miss messing with him. It’s quiet now, yeah.”

The two then went inside Deidara’s home, and they settled down on the couch.

“You know, I really can’t believe you’re still alive with how reckless you are. I’m serious. It’s kinda...fuck, it’s a bit concerning,” Hidan said as he crossed his arms. 

Deidara leaned back on the sofa, and gave the man a dismissive wave. “Nothing to worry about, man. I just like to live carefree without dumb shit holding me back from having fun, hm. I’m not suicidal, but I’m not scared of death, either. It’s like art! I’ll go out with a bang that’s memorable instead of dying old and crippled way too far in the future. That’s not fun, that’s lame.”

Oh boy. 

Hidan looked at him weirdly, observing the way Deidara mindlessly flipped through the channels on the T.V. after admitting that he wouldn’t mind having a short life. 

“Whatever. You’ve gotta have some like, Guardian Angel or some shit watching you. You’ve done so much crazy shit, so something must be keeping you alive.”

Deidara shrugged, “Just my luck.”

The blonde settled for the show ‘Catfish’, and they quieted down to watch the dramatic show. Deidara rose a brow when the girl who pretended to be a guy said she did it to mess with her feelings.

Hidan went home at 4 in the evening with some nice medicine in his system when Kakuzu picked him up, so Deidara was then left to himself. 

Sometimes, he missed that idiot Tobi. 

Deidara isn’t someone who likes to be by himself all the time. He needed social interaction, whether it was good or bad. He used to have plenty of friends, but they got tired of Deidara’s recklessness, and admitted that it scared them. Hidan was the only one who put up with him. Tobi was a moron, but he accepted Deidara for who he was. 

Deidara turned off the TV, and decided to mess with his clay. Inspiration hadn’t hit him yet today, so he decided to create another bird sculpture akin to what he created the day before.

However, something happened.

For some reason, Deidara felt the hair on his neck stand up, and he couldn’t help but look around his apartment with unease. His senses enhanced, and he could suddenly hear everything. His shoulders tensed once he felt like he was being watched.

“Who’s there?!”

His body moved on its own accord, and Deidara was checking every room of his apartment. He even opened the closets, but found nothing.

“Can this idiot sense me?”

That was some stranger’s voice. Deidara yelped, and frantically looked around his living room. That voice sounded like it was coming from somewhere in the house, but he saw nothing.

“Show yourself! I heard you speak!”

There was silence.

“Can you hear me, brat?”

The voice was almost echoing in his head now, and Deidara jumped at the sudden intrusion. He held his breath, and felt his body freeze.

“W-What the hell? Are you some ghost or something, hm?”

A chilling laugh sounded, and the voice said, “I’m not a stupid ghost, brat. I’m an angel. Your Guardian Angel. It’s quite odd that you can hear me. Usually you mindless humans have no clue.”

“Where are you?” Deidara questioned as his heart rate slowed.

“I’m actually right in front of you. You just can’t see me. You are by far the worst one I’ve had. Are you suicidal, brat? I’ve had to save you more times than I can count. You almost got in a wreck today, but I stopped your car from hitting them.”

That truth struck Deidara.

Of course he didn’t care if he crashed and got killed, but he still didn’t want Hidan to get hurt. Those words made a cold chill go down his spine, and he couldn’t respond as he looked down in remorse.

“Oh. I didn’t realize,” he trailed off quietly.

“What’s got you so quiet? I didn’t take you as someone who would even care about that. Whatever happens happens, right?”

The voice taunted him, and Deidara felt that familiar heat of anger bubble up inside of him.

His face twisted into a look of anger. “Shut up! I’m not some heartless asshole, hm! You know, you’re a dick for an angel. How the hell is your rude ass in heaven?”

“This isn’t about me, so quit changing the subject. No one has ever told you the truth. They’re scared of you, but you couldn’t see it. I could see everything. That’s why you’re alone-“

“Shut up! Get the fuck away from me!”

“This is simply my job. If I could, then trust me, I’d be as far away from you as possible. I’m stuck with you, whether you like it or not. I hate that you can talk to me now. Makes the job worse than it already was.”

“If you hate it,” Deidara seethed, “Then stop fucking talking.”

The sound of the air conditioner hummed softly throughout the apartment as the silence stretched. 

The angel didn’t speak further.

Deidara huffed to himself, and went back to his room to do the one thing he loved: art. 

—

The hair stood up again, and Deidara paused his show to pay closer attention.

“Oi.”

He focused on the sounds of his home as his body stilled. He nervously messed with the remote, and eyed his living room skeptically.

“Ugh. What, brat?”

“You’re so pissed off all the time.”

“Sounds like someone I know.”

“You don’t know me.”

The voice scoffed, “I’ve been watching you your whole life. I think I can say that I do, suicidal brat.”

Deidara growled through his teeth, “Where the hell are you so I can throw this damn remote at you?!”

“What a coincidence. I’m standing right in front of this very expensive vase your mother offered as a decoration. My head is right where the vase is. Would be a shame if you aimed for my head.”

Deciding to ignore the prick, Deidara just unpaused his show, his mood now ruined.

“What’s your name, asshole?”

“Why do you care?” the voice asked somewhat curtly.

“‘Cause I’m curious. Nothing wrong with that.”

“Sasori.”

“You sound like a Sasori,” Deidara replied with a grin, “What do you look like?”

“Red hair and brown eyes. Much less ridiculous than you.”

“Yeah, yeah. Trust me, you aren’t the first to say it, hm. I’ll never change for someone else’s approval. Especially some ghost.”

“I’m not a ghost!” the voice boomed. 

Deidara winced, then grinned at how offended he sounded. It seems now he had something on him.

Seemingly agitated by the smug grin on Deidara’s face, Sasori decided not to speak any further. The sudden quietness made him shift uncomfortably, and Deidara found himself wanting to talk to him more. Sasori was a complete mystery to him. He’s never believed in stuff like angels and god, but now this had him wondering.

—

His hands gripped his pants, about to pull them down so he can hop in the shower. He already had his music blasting through his speaker, and the hot steam had fogged the mirrors. Deidara’s breath hitched when he suddenly remembered that a whole being was watching him all the time.

“Oi, Sasori! You better not be watching me, hm!” Deidara yelled, glaring all around the room. 

A muffled voice was heard, but it was drowned by the loud music. Deidara rolled his eyes dramatically before turning down the volume on his speaker.

“Speak up, yeah!”

A growl rumbled through the room, and it was amplified by the echoing.

“I said that I have to. Who cares? I’ve seen way worse. You could slip in the shower and hit your head, brat. My job is to watch you 24/7. Get used to it and grow a pair.”

Sasori was now on his last nerve.

Deidara already was hotheaded to begin with, but this new type of anger was indescribable. Deidara wanted to get in Sasori’s face and tell him that he’s an annoying dick, but right now, Sasori was literally just a voice. His voice was smooth and drawn out, which actually pissed him off more. It sounded arrogant, like he was better than him. No one could act like they were better than him and get away with it.

“You’re probably jealous, huh? You wish you could be alive right now. I get enjoy a nice, hot, and relaxing shower while you have to watch as some dead being with almost no purpose except to follow orders. Sucks for you,” Deidara spat out as he threw his boxers and pants off, turned up the volume of his music, and hopped into the shower. With force, he shoved his blue shower curtains closed. 

A muffled voice shouted at him, but all Deidara could hear was the heavy instrumentals and vocals from the song. The scalding water rushed over his body, and all that tension was beginning to melt away. He grinned once that voice shouted again, but he ignored it. He hummed to the tune, and opened up a bottle of shampoo to wash his long hair.

While taking his time to wash his scalp, dead silence suddenly overwhelmed him.

The sound of the water hitting the tub was the only thing audible, and Deidara felt the tension come back as he stared at the curtains where his speaker would be on the sink.

How did it turn off?

His first thought was if the battery died, but he remembered letting it charge overnight. His phone was safely in the basket on the shelf where it wouldn’t get wet, so it couldn’t have fallen off.

“Sasori?”

No response.

Deidara washed out the rather large amount of soap and creeped closer to the side of the shower to peak through the curtains. His hand slowly grabbed the curtain, and he pulled it aside.

No one was there. 

Where was Sasori?

Deidara’s one visible eye looked everywhere in the bathroom, but there was nothing.

Deciding to shake off that feeling of unease, the blonde decided to wring out his hair and resume his music. He gently placed his foot on the mat, and stepped out of the shower. Water droplets fell everywhere onto the floor and he was now chilly despite the steam, but he grabbed his speaker anyway to see what happened.

It had simply turned off. To turn it off, someone needs to push down the power button. 

The question is, who pushed it?

Deidara felt his heart race, but he turned the speaker back on and resumed his music. He jumped at the loud burst that went through his eardrums, but he shook his head and went back into the warm comfort that was his shower.

This time he grabbed his body wash and loofa, and began to wash starting with his arms.

When he saw the knob twist on its own and the water shut off immediately, Deidara screamed.

In his desperate attempt to jump out of the shower, Deidara slipped and fell onto the ground as a useless heap. Pain exploded into his chest, and he groaned as he squinted his eyes. The water and soap made a pool below him on the tiled floor, and Deidara whipped his head around to stare fearfully at the shower.

A light breath ghosted over his ear, and Deidara gasped at the feeling, his hair standing up.

“Just because I have to protect you doesn’t mean I can’t make your life a living hell. This is a warning.”

A huff of air meant to be a laugh hit his ear, and Deidara shielded his head in his arms to stop the ticklish sensation that made him shiver.

“Brat.”

The presence disappeared, and Deidara released a breath of relief. His teeth clenched at the aching pain all over his chest, and he realized then that the fall would leave a grueling bruise.

Fucking Sasori.

—

“H-He was so weird! We just argued for a while and then when I took a shower, he-“

“Don’t tell me he fucked you or something-“

“Hidan!”

“Sorry. Continue.”

Deidara rubbed a hand over his face as he watching 600 pound life in his bedroom. 

“What I was saying, is that the bastard...”

Deidara looked around the room, and then lowered his voice. He didn’t want Sasori to hear this.

“...well, I said something and it pissed him off, even though he deserved it, hm. In the shower, my speaker suddenly turned off. Only a person can power it off. I turned it back on, and when I got back into the shower, that fucker turned the water off. I saw the knob turn, Hidan. It was the freakiest shit I’ve ever seen in my damn life! I fell while running out of the shower, and guess what he did? Guess!”

Hidan noisy hummed, thinking long and hard which was typically difficult for him to do.

“Stabbed you or some shit?”

Deidara glared at the TV, “No, you idiot! I literally felt him breath on me as he told me it was a warning.”

“Wait, I thought he couldn’t do shit like that,” Hidan said.

“That’s what I thought, too. Ghosts usually do that shit. Now that he can physically do things, I’m kinda fucking creeped out, man. He’s with me 24/7, and I can talk to him. Can you swing by here tomorrow? I feel better when I have someone with me here.”

Hidan sighed, “I guess I can see if Kakuzu is home tomorrow. Hold on, let me ask him.”

Hidan must not have known how to mute, because Deidara heard the entire conversation.

‘Hey old fuck, you home tomorrow? I gotta go to Deidara’s place. It’s kinda important.’

Deidara listened as Kakuzu growled.

‘I have an important meeting at noon. You have a bike. Why don’t you do that? It’ll save both of us the trouble. I want to save as much money as possible on gas.’

‘You’re so damn cheap, Kakuzu! A fucking bike?! Bikes hurt my ass and I hate riding them so far!”

‘Can’t he just pick you up?’

‘I mean he can, but he fucking sucks at driving. We almost wrecked yesterday and he didn’t even notice.’

There was a moment of silence. Deidara felt his eye twitch. He was a good driver, damnit!

‘Just-okay, just this once, I will take the bus and you can take my car. Happy? You better be, you asshole.’

‘I am fucking ecstatic. Thanks, bastard.’

‘Get out of here before I rip your head off.’

Deidara recoiled back as he stared at his phone worriedly. Did they always threat each other like that?

‘Yeah, yeah.’

There was shuffling before Hidan’s voice, which was much lighter than before, came through.

“Hey, he says I can drive over! I’ll give that Sashimi fucker a piece of my mind!”

“Hidan, it’s Sasori.”

“Same thing. Hey, you know what’s crazy?”

Deidara frowned slightly as he watched the 700 pound lady tell the doctor that she ‘wasn’t eating’ after she gained 20 pounds since their last visit.

“What?”

“When you ramble your verbal tic kinda goes away.”

Deidara huffed out a laugh, shaking his head, “You idiot, hm.”

They said goodbye, and then Deidara hung up the phone.

He pulled up his comforter and rested his head on his pillow, basking in the warmth. He took out his low ponytail, and let himself rest fully in comfort.

His eyes drooped as he watched the woman force herself to eat a salad instead of McDonalds. The camera zoomed up to her mouth which Deidara scrunched up his nose at.

“Boo.”

Deidara yelped and pulled his blanket over his head in fear. His breathing was labored, and he squeezed his eyes shut as the heat took over in the darkness.

“Get away from me! You-you’re fucking creeping me out, Sasori!” Deidara yelled as his voice cracked. 

His Guardian Angel was supposed to be caring and make sure nothing bad happened to him. Sasori made him feel unsafe in his own home. While he usually tried to act fearless, that incident in the bathroom truly scared him. Certain noises made him jump and freeze up, and pitch black rooms made him shift uneasily. Sasori was playing with him like an actual ghost. 

No, no, those weren’t tears! No way a fucking angel scared him that much. Deidara wasn’t a bitch, so he shouldn’t be scared of something like this! Something that is seen as nothing but pure and innocent.

Deidara didn’t even know that he was biting his lip to distract from the heart pounding fear. He blinked, and he furiously wiped away the tears that rolled down his cheeks. 

For a moment, Deidara only heard the sound of him breathing. Still, he refused to uncover himself. Cowering in the darkness away from the open made him feel better as horrible as it sounded.

“Deidara, I’m not going to hurt you. I wouldn’t be doing my job if I did.”

It was the first time he said his name.

His demeanor seemed to have changed. His voice wasn’t cocky or arrogant. It sounded soft, as if talking down to a child.

That was worse.

“Then why did you warn me?” he growled out through the darkness, “You sounded like you would. Do you have any idea how this feels? I’m powerless against you, bastard. You could do anything to me and I wouldn’t be able to stop you.”

“Let me tell you something, brat. I am an angel. A Guardian Angel. My job is to make sure your life doesn’t end before it’s supposed to. I’m not the nicest guy. I...will admit that I am an impatient man, and that my anger gets the best of me at times. What you said in the bathroom set me off, and I acted out of anger.”

He paused.

“What I’m trying to say, is that even though I’m an angel, that doesn’t mean that I’m all sunshine and rainbows. You piss me off, and I will retaliate. That doesn’t mean I’ll hurt you. There’s no reason to fear for your life because of me. Just understand that I’m not perfect.”

Deidara slowly came out of the covers, and looked blankly at the wall.

He swallowed the dryness in his throat, and asked, “You promise you won’t physically hurt me?”

“I won’t hurt you, but if you piss me off, then I won’t be able to stop myself from getting you back. Messing with the speaker was an example. Just go to sleep, brat. You need it.”

Deidara didn’t respond, and shoved his face against the fluffy pillow. He closed his eyes, and saw the lights from the TV in the blackness.

“How did you die, Sasori? Sorry if it’s a rough topic.” His voice was raspy from sleepiness as he asked the heavy question.

This time, it seems as if the voice was closer. “My life had ended quite shortly. I was 35 when I passed. It was a car accident that took me away, and it was incredibly painful. It wasn’t one that ended my life in a merciful flash. I suffered for long moments before and during the hospital, and my body had finally given up. I was driving to see my granny, and life had just gotten the best of me.”

Deidara listened with his eyes closed. “Sorry that happened.”

“Don’t be. I have gotten over it. I always wished for my life to be long lasting. I guess it technically is eternal, just not how I thought it would be in the afterlife. To have a voice in this world...it feels like before. Usually I just watch by as they carry on, but this time it’s not meaningless.”

Deidara felt the tiredness take over as Sasori’s voice lulled him to sleep. He nodded his head as a response, remembering every word he said.

“Sasori, my man...I think I understand what you’re trying to say, hm.”

“You do?”

“Yes. It goes for me, too. Now that you’re here, it doesn’t feel as lonely.”

Sasori quieted at that, probably thinking.

“Many years of just watching someone without speaking makes you feel not important anymore, brat. It makes you feel almost nonexistent. It’s a feeling of isolation I can’t even describe. Even I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy.”

That statement made Deidara feel sad for him. He was containing his emotions well, but he knew Sasori was basically saying that being a Guardian Angel made him alone. He had no communication for who knows how long. He could be itching to say something just for no one to listen. 

Then, Deidara realized that this relationship could become very important for the both of them. 

The light from the TV made his eyes twitch uncomfortably, and before he could reach for the remote and turn it off, the room went dark and was filled with silence.

Sasori was definitely not a nice person, but now Deidara saw him in a new light that he could feel for. 

Sasori was his protector. He wasn’t something he should fear, and maybe he could try to understand him more in the future, and help him feel not so isolated.

Perhaps this was the beginning of something bright in Deidara’s life.

—


	2. Chapter 2

“Hey fucker! Get your cowardly ass out here!” Hidan yelled through the house.

Deidara slapped the man, and Hidan held his arm and glared at him, “The hell was that for?! I’m gonna teach this carrot head a lesson!”

“Well don’t. I guess we kinda worked things out last night. Also, he’s just a voice. You can’t do anything to him,” Deidara said.

“Whatever,” Hidan grumbled, “Didn’t you wanna show me your new clay creation or something?”

Deidara brightened up. “Oh yeah! Come on man, I can’t wait for you to see it.”

They found themselves in Deidara’s room, and the blonde was excitedly holding up his latest creation.

“This is only 3 days of work, but I believe the simplicity of it makes it more unique than the others,” he rambled, “I got inspiration from some ghost creature I saw on TV.”

Hidan reached out a hand to touch it, but Deidara slapped it with an offended look.

“Don’t touch! You might ruin it, hm!” Deidara said as he set the rather large creation back on his desk. 

Hidan rubbed his hand, muttering to himself as he looked around the room. He felt his hair raise, and for some reason, he kept staring at the corner of his room.

“Deidara, I feel...like something is off,” he said, still staring at the corner.

“Eh, that’s probably just Sasori, yeah. Don’t worry about him.”

“Doesn’t that freak you out?” Hidan asked warily.

Deidara shrugged, and began to mess with a ball of clay, “Not anymore. We talked about it last night. Oi, Sasori, wanna say something?”

“Is that really what you call art, Deidara?” Sasori said from the corner.

The blonde felt his face get red as he glared. “What do you know about art?! Did you hear that bastard?”

Deidara looked expectantly at his friend, but Hidan was looking at him weirdly. 

“What?” Deidara asked.

Hidan slowly backed away until he was at the doorway, and he glanced between the empty corner and Deidara.

“Uhh, I think Kakuzu needs me to go get something. I have to go-!” Hidan turned and ran out of the house.

“What?!” Deidara yelled, “Bastard! You’re obviously a fucking liar!”

The door slammed shut, and Deidara angrily began to shape his clay. “I’m gonna have a talk with him later.”

A slight breeze made a strand of his hair blow, and Sasori’s voice was closer. “I think he freaked out because he can’t hear me and you can.”

“Probably,” Deidara muttered with an eye roll.

For a while, there was silence as Deidara shaped the clay into a bird. His fingers twisted and pulled the clay to shape the wings. 

“Sasori, do you like art?”

“Yes, but not the kind of art you like. When I was alive, I created puppets. I worked with wood mostly.”

Deidara felt a smile tug his lips. The fact that Sasori liked art as well made him happy since they had something in common.

However, in his moment of bliss, Sasori dropped a bomb.

“Like your art, you will go out soon, brat.”

Deidara’s fingers stopped where they were pulling the tail. His eyes darted to the side, and he couldn’t help the way his mouth dropped. Did Sasori imply that he was going to die?

“What?”

“You heard me.”

“What do you mean, though? Like, tomorrow? I’m gonna die tomorrow?”

Why was he shaking? He wasn’t afraid of dying! Of course not. It should be exciting.

“No. I’m saying that you won’t live very long. I know how and when you’re going to die. Once the time comes, I can’t stop you.”

“Will it be gruesome?”

Sasori huffed out of annoyance, “Quit asking. Obviously I can’t tell you or else you won’t stop thinking about it. Besides, I thought you weren’t afraid to die. The way your hands are shaking and how your breathing increased tells me otherwise.”

Deidara forced a wide grin on his face, and tried to hide the fact that the information wasn’t exactly nice to hear.

“It’s excitement. Don’t get the two confused, hm.”

“Freak.”

“Shut up.”

—

“Damn. Out of milk,” Deidara said as he gazed into he fridge. 

Actually, he was out of almost everything.

“Guess it’s time for a trip to the store,” he said to Sasori. If that bastard was even listening.

“Oh great. Now I’ve got to prevent another early death. Try not to run anymore stop signs, brat.”

Deidara grabbed his keys, and went out to his car. “My driving is fine.”

—

“Why are you going 50 in a neighborhood?! Slow down, Deidara!”

“Because neighborhoods have like, zero traffic, so it’s fine to go fast through them,” Deidara said as he swerved around another parked car, “This is fine, man.”

Deidara turned out of it going 30, making the car skid. “Wooo! That was fun, yeah!”

When Deidara looked into his rear view mirror, he saw a car right up his ass, and the driver was flipping him off.

He ignored it and sped up.

“Some people just need to have more patience.”

“Deidara, I just stopped them from rear-ending you. Be more careful!”

“Whatever.”

He parked at the grocery store, and made his way inside.

—

“Hey, the hell was that earlier?” Deidara asked Hidan over the phone. He laid on his bed, and stared up at the ceiling.

“Oh, uh...alright, I’ll be honest. That shit freaked me out.”

“What did?”

“You know, with that ghost over there. You were just talking to him! I could feel him too, and I don’t think he liked me.”

“You’re scared over nothing. He’s not harmful. Anyway, wanna hang out, tonight?”

There was a pause, and Deidara rose a brow.

“Me and Kakuzu are doing something. Sorry. Maybe some other time.”

The blonde couldn’t help the sigh that escaped his lips. Hidan usually was able to hang out with him. Kakuzu and him never hung out, so it was odd.

“Look, Deidara, I’m sorry I can’t always hang out all the time, but I have other friends. It sounds harsh, but maybe you should branch out as well.”

This time, Deidara felt his frustration build up. He sat up in his bed, and glared down at his phone. “The hell?! You never had this problem with me before! Why are you acting so distant suddenly?”

Time seemed to have moved on forever before Hidan responded.

“Deidara, you scare me.”

It was stated so bluntly. Scared him? How?! What the fuck did he do to scare Hidan of all people?

“What do you mean?” he asked as he tried to keep his temper under control.

“Man, I just- your driving scares me, you always put our lives in danger, and that thing with your ghost freaked me out. Every time I’m with you I always feel like I’ll get hurt or die and you just don’t give a shit. I’m sorry man, but I think we should take a break.”

Deidara opened his mouth to respond, but Hidan had already hung up.

Well shit.

Deidara laughed humorlessly, and stared at the ceiling some more.

The hell does he do now?

—

Deidara plus no social interaction equals a hot mess. 

The walking disaster was currently eating a box of cheezits while angrily watching a movie. He growled when he had to turn it up again to hear over his loud ass crunching. That damn chunk of hair that never seemed to grow kept getting in his eye, so he threw the box on the floor with force, grabbed his rubber band, and tied that shit up on his head like a palm tree. 

Fucking Hidan. Fucking Sasori. Just-fuck, fuck, fuck everything!

He grabbed his box and shoved 6 squares his mouth. 

Damn. Those things were good.

“Am I witnessing the downward spiral of one’s metal health?” Sasori commented because the bastard always had something to say.

“Chut ha fuck uph,” Deidara mumbled while chewing.

“That wasn’t even a human language.”

It sounded like his voice was coming from the chair, so Deidara threw a Cheezit at it.

“You missed.”

Deidara ignored him and turned up the volume.

The same fake cheese taste was getting a bit overwhelming, so Deidara set the box down on the floor. He curled up on his side, and continued to watch the movie with furrowed brows.

“I know what you’re doing. This is all a front, isn’t it? He hurt you. I can tell. Wasn’t Hidan basically the only friend who would put up with your bullshit?” Sasori said right behind him. 

“Are you trying to make me feel worse?! Of course that shit stung! Now...I have nothing,” the blonde said.

“Guess you’ll just have to figure that shit out on your own.”

“Real fucking helpful, Sasori,” Deidara muttered.

“Well, I’m not your therapist, am I? I’m simply your Guardian Angel. Nothing more, and nothing less. I’ll be quiet so you can go back to your self pity session.”

Deidara moodily turned over so he was facing the couch cushions. He shoved his face into it, and closed his eyes.

—

Sasori knew Deidara was lonely.

He wasn’t the first human he’s looked after that was.

In the past, Sasori had to save people from themselves more times than he can count. Saving people from falling off over the edge was easy. Steering them away from the path of a psycho was easy. One shove or incident to change their path was a piece of cake.

He hated when he had to save people like this. 

It was difficult. He couldn’t physically be there to comfort them as best as he could. He couldn’t tell them that there was too much in life to miss out on. However, he had found ways to help.

He had to play ghost.

Opening the curtain on a sunny day. Putting a blanket on them to help them feel warm again. Turning the lights off when they had forgotten.

He made them believe he was a ghost. It was the only way to help.

Through the nice actions, they didn’t seem to mind.

Now that he could communicate with Deidara, it should be easier. Though, he had a problem.

Sasori sucked at comforting people with words.

Telling Deidara to just deal with it probably didn’t help, but he had to make the blonde figure this shit out on his own. If things went further downhill, then he would step in.

Hopefully it wouldn’t come to that. 

As Sasori looked at the sleeping man, he couldn’t help but sigh. 

Deep down, he didn’t want to lose him because he didn’t want to feel invisible again. Of course this idiot just had to die relatively early in life.

Yes, Deidara was truly annoying, but he still was able to acknowledge the angel.

Sasori used all of his power, and was able to pick up the blanket with great difficulty. Never breaking his concentration, the angel was able to lay it sloppily on him. 

Sasori shrugged. Good enough.

Now it was time to wait for the time bomb to get up in the morning. Sasori leaned back in the chair, and watched the now silent living room. 

He was always an impatient man, but with this job, he learned to better handle it.

—

The first thing Deidara heard when he woke up was not pleasant.

“You idiot. Someone tried to rob you last night. Your doors were unlocked, so I had to lock them before he could come in,” Sasori said from the opposite side of the room.

Deidara rubbed his eyes tiredly, and frowned when he looked at his hand and saw black smudges. Damn. He forgot to take off his eyeliner.

“Are you even listening?!” Sasori yelled.

Deidara just groaned and stretched. Why did his forehead hurt? He felt his head, and then felt the tight ponytail. He ripped it out, wincing when a few strands were pulled. The bangs immediately fell over his eye, which he swat at.

“What?” he finally asked.

“You almost got robbed!”

“Oh. Thanks, my man.”

Sasori went quiet, so Deidara took it as a sign to shut up. The man finally got off the couch to get ready.

Once he got ready and ate breakfast, Deidara checked his phone in hopes that Hidan had contacted him.

Nothing.

“Hey, do you plan on doing nothing?” Sasori asked once Diedara sat back down on his couch, “Don’t you have a job?”

“I sell my art. That plus the money my parents offer helps me afford this apartment.”

“Don’t you go to college?”

Deidara waved a hand, “College isn’t my thing, Sasori. I’d rather not be tied down. Selling my art, which I love to do, is something I am happy with, hm. My parents are rich, and don’t really care what I do as long as I’m not in their basement or becoming a stripper.”

“Aren’t you lucky,” Sasori deadpanned.

“I am. Don’t worry, I’m completely grateful, my man.”

Once Sasori didn’t respond, Deidara decided to browse his phone.

A day of nothing. This could be relaxing!

Deidara felt a calm smile spread on his face, and he sank into the couch, relaxing as he watched some clay videos on YouTube.

He could get used to this!

—


	3. Chapter 3

A week went by, and Deidara felt himself slowly going insane.

The only time Sasori decided to speak up was to insult him or tell him he almost died. It was so annoying. Deidara could only watch so many movies or YouTube videos before getting bored. 

As pitiful as it sounded, his art would always be there for him.

Birds, mixtures of creatures, insects, dragons: it was all put together using his creativity. Just get him creating clay with some music and he could go at it for hours. 

The evening glow from the window shined down on him and his desk. The soft music played throughout his room, and he hummed to it as he sculpted the clay dragon. There were no insults from Sasori, so he deemed this evening one of the best he’s had in a while.

“My man, did you enjoy music when you were alive?” Deidara asked Sasori as he sculpted the tail, “Besides sculpting, I believe music is one of the greatest forms of art.”

“Don’t ask me questions you don’t care to hear answers for.”

Deidara frowned at that. Sasori never enjoyed small talk. Deidara could barely get any answers about him, and it was greatly frustrating. Sasori admitted that he enjoyed creating puppets, but he even didn’t like to talk about that. Perhaps his life before he passed was a sore subject for him?

“You’re no fun, Sasori.”

“I don’t care what you think of me.”

The tone was more snappy than usual, and Deidara kept a neutral expression to hide the fact that it hurt him. 

Still, he needed to know what was wrong.

“Are you mad at me, hm?” Deidara paused his sculpting to focus on his voice.

“You always piss me off. Quit talking to me, you’re annoying. I’m trying to get some damn peace, which is hard to achieve when I’m stuck with you!”

Diedara pursed his lips, and he stared down at his clay. Those words sliced through him as sharp as a blade, and he didn’t know what to do about that. Yell? Feel upset and apologize? Of course he should get pissed and retaliate, but...lately, Deidara found that he didn’t want Sasori to hate him.

“I didn’t know you felt that way. Sorry to be so annoying. I’ll shut up.”

Never has he sounded so small and defeated. Being stuck with nothing, Deidara began to feel himself slip away slowly. It was as if that bright and raging fire inside him was dwindling, and the only thing that was refueling it was Sasori’s words.

He paused, and took the time to stare out the window that faced his backyard. The sky was mixing cool with warm colors, and the trees were blowing in the wind. It looked almost like art.

When his thoughts took over, he felt something that was so foreign and awful that it was scary.

Hollow with nothing to lose.

—

They didn’t talk for a while.

Deidara desperately wanted to call out to him and hear his voice, but he was scared of losing him. Sometimes he couldn’t even feel his presence, which indicated that Sasori didn’t even want to be near him.

At least when Hidan split off with him he had Sasori. Now that the redhead was tired of him, Deidara...didn’t know what to do anymore.

He wanted new friends of course, but it was discouraging when all of them left because they were scared of him. Did he need to find people more like him? Where would he even look?

Suddenly, Deidara remembered someone.

That annoying bastard. He couldn’t believe he had stooped this low.

Deidara sighed dramatically before pressing the call button.

There was the ring for a while before that godawful voice came through.

“Deidara? Is that really you?!” Tobi asked excitedly.

Deidara bit his tongue to prevent the annoyed groan from escaping. “Yes, Tobi. The hell have you been up to, idiot?”

“So much! I’ve been living with my girlfriend in her apartment, seeing my friends, and I’m still working at the hospital! What about you, Deidara? I hope you’re not still mad at me!”

“You basta-I mean, uh, I guess things have been alright.”

“Awesome! Does Hidan still come by? He scared me!”

Deidara felt a scowl on his face at the mention of Hidan. “Not really. He and I kind of split off, yeah.”

“Oh,” Tobi’s voice quieted, “Sorry, Deidara. I know you two were good friends.”

“Don’t worry about him. So, I was thinking...I know I acted like I hated you, but I actually kinda miss your dumbass. We should hang out sometime, hm.”

“Of course, Deidara! I’d love to hang out with my favorite person in the world! I miss our apartment, so let’s do your place! Does this Friday work for you?”

Deidara didn’t even need to look at the calendar to know he was available.

He nodded, “Yeah. See ya, Tobi.”

“Bye, Deidara!”

He hung up.

Today was Tuesday. Just a few more days and he would be seeing that idiotic face he both hated and loved at the same time.

—

Friday came and went.

For the first time in a while, Deidara had fun. Tobi forced him to bake, and somehow managed to get flour all over himself like an idiot. Still, Deidara couldn’t help but smile and shake his head. He missed the fool. That night reminded him of old times.

Deidara got to briefly meet his girlfriend, Rin, as well when he came by. She was sweet and caring, which he believed was a good match for Tobi’s wild and carefree personality. 

He watched as Tobi kissed her goodbye gently on the cheek and the way she smiled lovingly at him before driving off. 

Love. Something Deidara didn’t think often about.

He’s had a few girlfriends in the past, but that was when he was stupid and said ‘yeah, whatever’ to almost everything. He didn’t really love his girlfriends, but he went along with it because he was a bored teenager. He was just with them to say he had a girlfriend to his friends. Basically, he was a dick.

Maybe that hadn’t really changed...

Besides that, Deidara did sometimes wonder why he never felt romantically about them. He didn’t want to feel their tits or kiss them like his friends did. He just didn’t understand the appeal.

He didn’t care.

Seeing Tobi in love sparked something in him.

He wished someone would look at him that way. Maybe he always had, but he just never found that special someone.

They entered his home, and Deidara now felt worse than before.

—

Tobi left the next day, and Deidara was once again alone.

His old roommate told him that he wanted to hang out with him again, but it would be tricky since he’s always busy. Tobi had a job, and somehow was a popular guy despite acting like a toddler.

Not to mention he had a girlfriend to spend time with.

Perhaps Deidara was wishing for too much.

—

Another week went by, and nothing happened.

Deidara had nothing. His days were a repeating cycle of meaningless acts. Watching something on a screen, maybe playing a video game or two, and working on his art and selling it. 

Sasori didn’t speak.

For a while, Deidara almost forgot he was even watching him. 

It was frustrating. He desperately wanted to know how he was feeling, but without his voice, there was nothing to go off of. No physcial expressions to note, either. 

Deidara tried to recall many memories where he could have pissed the redhead off, but he came up with nothing.

Maybe his personality really did just piss him off.

Mood now ruined, Deidara curled up in his bed.

—

Never has Deidara felt so terrible.

Everyday things just got worse. He had too much time to just sit around and think, and it wasn’t doing him any good.

He found himself slowly laying in bed more than getting up and busying himself with his art. This brightness be saw before was now dim. The fire inside of him was now a mere ember, which he feared was dying out quickly.

He never thought he’d see the day where his mental health would fluctuate.

Pitiful.

“Deidara.”

His blue eyes widened a fraction, but they quickly narrowed at the wall.

“So now you’re talking, huh, bastard?” he spat out venomously.

Deidara listened to the TV as Sasori was thinking.

“You’re going further and further down the abyss everyday, and I can only sit by and watch,” Sasori said matter-of-factly, “What’s wrong with you?”

“Why do you hate me?”

“I don’t hate you.”

“Yes you do. You ignored me for so long when I-“

He stopped. That was too vulnerable.

Sasori sighed. “It’s complicated. I don’t hate you, but I’m just not used to this whole communicating thing. I don’t want my words to be responsible for your future actions. I want you to pull yourself together on your own.”

“There’s nothing wrong with me,” Deidara muttered.

“Yes there is. You’re in denial, but this is a fact, Deidara: you’re lonely. Ever since you and Hidan stopped being friends, you’ve been hurting.”

Something ached deep inside him from those words.

“Hm. Maybe I am,” he said as he closed his eyes, “Oh well. Guess I’ll just deal with it. You can leave me alone if you want, Sasori. I don’t care.”

“I can’t leave you alone. It’s my job to protect you. You’re heading down a path that I’ve seen people take before, and it doesn’t end well unless you change something. Since you seem hopeless, then I guess I have no choice...”

A pressure pressed against his shoulder, and Deidara tensed at the feeling.

“...but to help you as your Guardian Angel.”

Deidara looked at his left shoulder, but he saw nothing there. It wasn’t hot or cold, it was just something pushing down on it.

“W-What are you doing?!” he asked frantically.

“Isn’t this how you comfort people?”

“I guess, but usually people hug each other or something! The hell is this?”

“Oh,” Sasori said, “Well, you’ll have to do without hugs. I’m not that kind of person.”

Despite Sasori’s awkwardness, Deidara couldn’t help the smile at the gesture. 

“Thanks, hm.”

The pressure lingered.

“Whatever, brat.”

—

“My man, do you think I should get a girlfriend?” Deidara looked down and asked as he folded the clay.

“If you want to waste your time then go for it. Not sure why you’re asking me.”

“Well,” Deidara started, “Usually people my age start to look for someone. Guess it wouldn’t hurt, hm. Even that idiot Tobi found someone. He looked happy, so I guess I want that as well.”

“Maybe you could use one of the online apps that everyone uses these days. Timber? Limber?” Sasori sounded slightly confused towards the end.

“It’s Tinder, old man,” Deidara grinned.

“Shut up. Set up a profile or whatever you do and go out and find someone. I’m bored of staring at your wall or your ugly face.”

“Hey! You can’t say shit because I don’t even know what you look like! I bet you’re uglier than me, my man.”

“At least I kept a youthful appearance even in my 30’s. You’re going to look like a ratty old lady by the time you’re 32. Especially with your hair and that makeup you wear. It’s only a matter of time.”

“Won’t believe it till I see it.”

Sasori huffed in annoyance, which Diedara chuckled at as he flattened the legs of his clay spider. His banters with Sasori have become frequent as they often argued, but at least he wasn’t boring. He almost thought of the man as a friend. It was a shame that he couldn’t physically be there with him.

Tinder? Should he really do that? He knows many people found their significant other through apps like Tinder, so he supposed it wouldn’t hurt to try.

“Alright, I guess I’ll try,” he mumbled as he whipped out his phone and downloaded the app. 

Why the fuck was he even nervous? He was great with people! He was outgoing, interesting, and was always talking. This should be a piece of cake.

Once he set up his profile and chose a few photos, he turned off his phone and decided to wait until tomorrow to check.

For sure there would be plenty of messages waiting for him in the future!

—

At 8 in the morning, Deidara woke up to a gentle poke on his arm. He slapped it at first, thinking it was a bug.

It was poked again, so Deidara glared darkly at his arm. 

“The fuck?” 

“Hey, you might wanna check your phone. That annoying notification won’t stop ringing, brat,” Sasori said from next to his bed. 

Deidara rolled his sleepy eyes, and decided to check his phone.

His heart fluttered when he got 12 notifications. Not bad! 

“Look at you getting all excited over strangers. So sweet it’s sickening,” Sasori taunted as Deidara check out their profiles and messages.

He made a sound of confusion when he saw a guy’s profile. In fact, about half of them were males. Did he forget to put that he was looking for females?

‘Are you really a guy? Must have been a mistake, haha! I’d love to take you out sometime;) message me if your interested cutie. I don’t see many girls like you on this app’

Sasori must have read that over his shoulder, because Deidara jumped when the redhead started to cackle in his ear.

“Shut up, Sasori!” Deidara yelled as his cheeks flames up, “It’s not fucking funny!”

“Yes it is! Man, I haven’t laughed like that in years. You should have seen your face. Come on, message him back.”

Deidara’s fingers were already typing a speedy reply.

‘That’s because I’m not a fucking girl. What the hell made you even think that?’

Sure, he could have been nicer, but that pissed him off. It’s been a while, but he has gotten mistaken for a girl in the past. Lots of times. Besides his longer hair and large eyes, he looked very masculine. It’s not like his body was a stick, either. 

The man responded.

‘Your not a chick? Don’t be a prick cause I got confused. Normally dudes don’t style their hair like a woman’s and wear eye makeup.’

Then he was blocked.

Deidara was pissed. What a coward. He even blocked him before he could respond.

He leaned back in his chair, and rubbed his eyes in frustration. 

“Unless I want horny men then I guess I’ll just have to change my entire appearance,” he huffed, “What a stupid idea this was.”

“You’re not going to at least check the other messages?” Sasori questioned him.

Despite his now sour mood, Deidara decided that he should at least check the others.

He automatically ignored the other messages from guys, and decided to open up one from a girl.

He checked her profile. She was pretty. A bit plain looking, but she was attractive. She also lived in his area. She mentioned liking art in her profile, and that was it. Hook, line, and sinker.

Eagerly, he clicked on the message she sent him.

‘Hey! What kind of art do you like?’

He sent her a response.

‘I’m more into sculpting clay figurines. I take inspiration from animals or insects and sculpt them with my own personal flare. Art is my main passion. You like art as well?’

Of course he knew, but he gave her the opportunity to talk more about her hobbies and likes.

‘Yep. Drawing with pencil and charcoal is my favorite type of art to do. I’ve worked with clay and it just ended up looking like a deformed blob. You must be pretty talented to work with that stuff! Maybe we should meet up and talk about it more?’

‘Sounds good. Wanna meet up at the local cafe sometime this weekend?’

‘Sure! Saturday at 1?’

‘Yep. I’ll see you there.’ 

Sasori snorted.

Deidara immediately glared, “What this time?”

“Idiot. I can see it all clear in my head. I won’t say anything so I don’t crush your dreams too early.”

“I hate you.”

“The feeling is mutual, brat.”

—

“Sasori, do I look good? Is this trashy?”

Deidara looked at his outfit in the mirror. He went with jeans and a nice red shirt. Hopefully his date would like it.

“It looks fine. Quit worrying.”

Deidara then looked at his long, blonde hair that fell over his shoulders with that piece that fell over his eye.

“What about my hair? I feel like I shouldn’t just let it loose.”

“Hmm...here.”

Deidara watched in the mirror as his locks moved on their own. Something brushed against his shoulders as his hair was pushed onto his back, and it was then tied together in a low ponytail. He felt his eyes grow wider at what he just witnessed.

“D-Did you just do that?” he asked.

“Yeah. So what if I did? Now it doesn’t look terrible. Way to go.”

As he looked at his hair, Deidara felt an annoying heat on his cheeks. He shook his head to clear those feelings, and gave the mirror a large grin.

“By the way, my man, I don’t want you saying shit to distract me during our date. Now come on, I can’t be late.”

“Yes. Don’t want to keep her waiting,” Sasori said as he followed the blonde.

—

Sasori was bored.

Perhaps if the date was going horribly it would have been more interesting. Sasori could have at least gotten some twisted satisfaction out of their misery. 

No. It was actually going pretty well.

Both were interested in each other and asked many questions. Art was a long going topic which bored Sasori to bits and he wasn’t sure why. The man was currently ‘sitting’ next to Deidara in a chair, now people watching once they moved onto stories that he didn’t care for.

As Deidara excitedly shared a story about an experience with art, Sasori watched him. The blonde hasn’t looked this happy in forever, and Sasori had mixed feelings. Feelings he shouldn’t bother nor care for but had anyway.

With a small pout on his lip, Sasori rested his head on his fist.

This was taking forever. He just wanted to leave.

—

Once they said their goodbyes, Sasori looked over at her as she turned around, and saw the awestruck gaze in her eyes paired with an adoring smile.

Then he looked at Deidara.

Who was indifferent.

He waited until they reached his car to speak up.

“Well?” Sasori questioned with a raised brow Deidara couldn’t see.

Deidara, who was currently fixing his eyeliner, shrugged.

“I like her.”

Sasori almost facepalmed.

“Okay, I could clearly guess that. Are you interested in meeting up with her again?”

“I guess.” Deidara closed the cap of his eyeliner, and stared at his eyes in the mirror. The slight pull down of his lips made Sasori sigh.

“What’s the problem? You seemed happy in there. Now you look like a kicked puppy. Gross.”

The blonde shook his head, and closed his eyes as he leaned back in his seat with a defeated sigh. “My man...I think there’s something wrong with me.”

Oh boy. Not another one of these moments.

Time for therapist Sasori to make an unwanted appearance. “The hell is it this time? She not hot enough for you?”

Deidara shook his head. “That’s the thing. She was completely fine, yet I still am not attracted to her. So damn frustrating! It’s as if nothing has changed from back then.”

Sasori held in a groan of frustration. Why did he have so many problems? 

Patience. 

“Why weren’t you attracted to her?” Sasori asked as calmly as he could.

Deidara went quiet. His eyes were staring at the steering wheel as if it was the most interesting thing ever.

“I don’t know. We had so much in common and she was pretty, but I could only see her as a friend. I don’t get it.”

Sasori didn’t know either. She was perfect for him, yet he felt absolutely nothing. 

Then, it slowly came together like a puzzle. Hopefully he wouldn’t blow up over the question. 

“Do you happen to like guys instead?” Sasori blurted out.

“I don’t know!” Deidara bursted angrily, “I have no experience with that, either! Maybe I’m just meant to be by myself, hm.”

Sasori rolled his eyes when Deidara went back to sulking. This idiot was just a hot mess. He was too old for this shit. The blonde was already 24, so he should have all this shit figured out.

“I’m tired of this, brat. I’m not your damn therapist, so you go and figure that out on your own. Before you pull out, watch out for the kid behind your car. God knows you would have just run him over anyway.”

Deidara cursed and yelled at him, but Sasori just blocked it out like all those times before. He closed his eyes, and wished that Deidara’s life would be easier so he wouldn’t have to do so much work.

—

Now it was back to emotionlessly staring at him without him knowing. Sasori always felt like a creep when he did this, but it was literally his job. He was currently watching him paint one of his creations, wishing that the idiot could be doing something interesting for once.

He would blow up and tell him that, but Sasori has been trying to work on his patience issue. 

“Don’t you get bored?” Sasori asked as he sat on his desk.

Deidara made a funny face. “Of what? This is literally my passion, why would I get bored?”

“It’s all you do. It’s boring for me.”

“I don’t care. I’ll do what I want, Sasori.”

“Brat. That look hideous. Why would you paint it blue?”

“Because this blue makes it look good! The buyer wants it blue, so that’s what I’m doing!”

Sasori felt that patience slowly sinking under the ocean.

“Your ‘art’ disgusts me.”

Deidara grabbed a ball of clay, and chucked it at Sasori. Even though it went straight through his body and hit the wall, he was still impressed that Deidara knew where he was just by his voice.

“You missed,” the redhead lied. He felt a smirk slowly spread on his face at the angry red that took over Deidara’s face.

The truth was, Sasori loved tormenting Deidara because it was entertaining. When all he had was his voice, then that was all he could do. Argue.

“Shut up!”

Sasori contemplated on responding, but chose not to when he saw the angry glare on the blonde’s face. He’s not sure what he said that pissed him off so much, but he just shrugged, because Sasori typically didn’t care about other’s feelings.

He looked to the side. Maybe he isn’t a good person. How was he an angel again?

Deidara continued to make his clay without further words. 

—

“Deidara, why is death so close to you?” Sasori asked one night.

The blonde shrugged, “I don’t know. Maybe because I’m not scared of it?”

Sasori was currently standing in front of the blonde with his arms crossed, watching as the blonde stared at the TV on the couch.

“I had to kill a deadly spider in your room, Ive had to stop you from hitting multiple cars, and I’ve even had to stop people. You’re the worst one I’ve had.”

“Sorry, my man. Can’t help it.”

Sasori gave up, and sat back down in the chair. His tired eyes looked back at the man, and he went back to his boring ass job. Staring.

—

Most of the time, Deidara was pretty chill. Usually he sat at home and worked on his art, or relaxed while going on his phone.

There were a few times, however, where the man was a psychotic, suicidal bastard.

Sasori was carefully watching the man as he leaned over the bridge, staring down at the creak that was rushing from far below. Deidara was restless, and decided he wanted to drive to a fairly unpopular nature trail that went through a large forest.

“Keep moving, brat. Why the hell are you staring down like a gaping fish?” Sasori asked impatiently as he shifted on his feet.

A mischievous grin suddenly spread on Deidara’s face, making Sasori narrow his eyes. This couldn’t be good.

“So, if I were to just fall over, you would save me?” he asked slowly, blue eyes shining in his direction.

“I’d love to watch you fall, but unfortunately, yes. I’d prevent it. Don’t do anything stupid, Deidara.”

Deidara threw himself off the bridge. 

“Stupid bastard!” Sasori snapped, eyes growing wide as he quickly grabbed the insane man’s arm. Hot anger quickly took over and it only got worse when Deidara grinned up at him from where he was dangling in the air.

“You were right!” Deidara laughed, “This is crazy! It looks like I’m just floating! Haha, I’ll have to do this more often! This adrenaline rush feels great, hm!”

The grin was wiped off when he was suddenly thrown back onto the bridge. Deidara groaned when his back hit the creaking wood, and there were no words from his angel.

He sat up slowly and swiped the hair out of his face. “What? I was just having fun. Don’t tell me you don’t like that either, yeah.”

Even though Deidara couldn’t see him, he knew he was pissed. He could just feel the waves of anger.

“Don’t you ever do that again!” Sasori yelled suddenly, “Don’t abuse my power for your selfish and stupid desires! This isn’t a stupid game, Deidara. This is life! Throwing yourself off of bridges or jumping in front of cars is incredibly stupid! Do that again and I’ll make sure you regret it.”

A cold wind blew over Deidara, making the blonde shiver. That tone was ice cold, and even he had no words. Then, he couldn’t feel the typical powerful presence of Sasori.

His throat felt dry as he looked ahead at the trail.

He fell back against the bridge, and couldn’t help but sigh and cover his face with an arm.

“Damn it.”

—

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if I got Tinder wrong. I’ve never used it so I just improvised.


	4. Chapter 4

“Sasori, I’m sorry.”

Deidara was currently sitting outside in a lawn chair, tired of waiting for Sasori to speak up first.

What was he even doing?

Deidara has been thinking a lot. Why did he care so much about Sasori? Why did he care if he was mad at him? Why did he yearn for his approval and his voice?

That’s all he was. A voice he wasn’t even supposed to hear.

It made him so frustrated he could scream. Sasori clearly thought he was a nuisance. A bother. Was Deidara just that desperate?

“I know you’re sorry. I can see it in your face when you mope around your house. What you did was fucking stupid and you should be sorry.”

His presence was cold. Biting and unwelcoming. Deidara missed the warmth it used to provide.

Deidara chewed on his lip as he stared at the grass below his feet. No ‘brat’, or ‘idiot’. He was livid and Deidara felt like he had to walk around eggshells when responding.

Finally, he asked the big question that has been on his mind since they first met.

“Sasori, why do I even bother? Why do I care so much about you?”

Okay, maybe he should have phrased that better. He winced slightly, but waited for his response.

“I don’t know. I’m an angel, not some mind reader. That’s your problem.”

For some reason, that response hurt him. A lot. His throat tightened, and his stomach dropped painfully at the icy response.

“It’s stupid, right?” he whispered, “I shouldn’t care. You’re just an angel who unfortunately can speak to me.”

“I do think it’s stupid. Why do you care about me, Deidara? Is it because I fill that lonely void in your heart? Because I’m the only one who listens? What is it about me that just draws you in?” 

He felt like he was being interrogated. Deidara felt trapped, and he couldn’t think. Sasori’s voice was now right next to his ear, low and intimidating. His blue eyes darted forward as he tried to rack up a response, almost distracted by the breathy air that hit his skin.

“I-I don’t know-“

“-Well figure it out, because it’s pissing me off,” Sasori cut off sharply, “Figure out those feelings of yours so I don’t have to deal with your stupid emotions.”

Deidara flinched at the harsh tone. 

His fists clenched, and his blonde brows pulled down. “I like you because you care. No one has cared for me like you do.”

Sasori huffed, “I care because I have to. It’s my damn job. Nothing more, and nothing less.”

Deidara tried, but he just couldn’t hold down the bubbling heat that was rising. He was being nothing but honest and respectful, and Sasori was completely brushing it off and being a dick. 

Sasori decided to keep going. “If my honesty hurts your precious feelings, then you can go ahead and ignore me. Go back to thinking I don’t exist. I’ve lived with it for more years than I can remember, so it wouldn’t hurt my feelings.”

Deidara exploded.

He stood up from his chair at lightning speed, and whipped around the face that damn voice. He pointed a finger at the air where Sasori should be, not caring if he wasn’t really there.

“I’m sick and tired of your attitude! You act like you’re so much better because you don’t give a shit! I know you’re reserved and hate revealing yourself, but that doesn’t mean you have to act like a fucking asshole!” he yelled.

Tears were threatening to fall, but Deidara choked it down and kept his voice steady. 

“If you truly don’t care, then whatever. Just stop making me feel like a dumbass for-for liking you! For appreciating what you do for me.”

He was embarrassed. Breaking down like this in front of a being he couldn’t even see? How stupid.

He shook his head, running a frustrated hand through his hair. “Whatever. Piss off if you still can’t stand me.”

Deidara moved to turn around and head back inside. His lips quivered as a tear fell down his cheek, but he had to get away. It was too much. He was too much.

The air tightened around his wrist, making him stop. 

“Don’t just run away.”

Deidara squeezed his eyes shut. “I’m doing what you want.”

“No.” Sasori yanked his wrist, making Deidara stumble. He faced the voice, and looked to the side.

“Deidara, I...”

The redhead sighed. Deidara imagined that he probably just rolled his eyes.

“...I’ll admit that I’m not the nicest person. You’re right. I’m an asshole, and I have walls that I don’t like to break down for others. I know I said that I’m just an angel doing my job, but...maybe that’s not completely true. I don’t hate you. I don’t dislike you. You’re bearable to me.”

Deidara glared.

“But anyway,” he continued, “You’re the first person I’ve talked to in so many years. There’s no way that I could just ignore you and brush you aside. Maybe I-ugh, maybe I ‘appreciate’ you, too.”

That was probably the shittiest heartfelt response he had ever heard, but it still made Deidara smile. He looked down, and hoped that he was staring close enough into the other’s eyes.

“Brat. I’m not that short.”

Deidara held up his hand when he realized that the pressure was still around his wrist, though a bit more gentle this time. 

As soon as he stared at it, the pressure was gone. 

“Thanks, my man. I didn’t know you felt like that.”

“I’d rather you didn’t know, but you would have cried like a whiny child if I hadn’t said it. Don’t bring that up ever again.”

Deidara nodded, but turned to hide the smirk on his face. “Sure, whatever.”

—

Sasori was getting worried.

No, he was worried.

He was watching Deidara brush his hair like the creepy angel he was, and found himself unable to look away. After their little ‘spat’, Sasori found himself looking at Deidara in a new light that he wished didn’t exist. Everything was so much more detailed and it had him nervous. His hair was long and looked soft, and he found himself wanting to run a hand in it.

To mask his uncomfortable feelings, he did what he did best to cope with them.

“Your hair looks hideous.”

Deidara didn’t so much as bat an eye at the insult. He threw it up in that odd half up ponytail, and moved onto his eyeliner.

“I don’t care. I take great pride in it. Took many years to grow out, and I will never cut it short, hm. My hair is art.”

He even flipped a piece of it over his shoulder, and Sasori could only watch blankly. 

He was truly screwed.

—

“My man, what was your life like before you died?” Deidara asked as he ate ice cream from his favorite shop. He was sitting at his kitchen table and in a good mood.

Sasori sighed. Deidara always pestered him with questions about himself which he didn’t want to answer, because it was personal and he wasn’t one to share such things. 

He answered anyway because he figured it was time. Time for him to shut up about it.

“I passed away when I just turned 35. I had a successful business that sold wooden puppets, and I always kept to myself.”

Deidara scoffed, “I figured that much.”

Sasori shot him a glare that the blonde unfortunately couldn’t see. “Anyways, most of my life was spent with my granny Chiyo by my side. My parents died when I was young, and she took care of me. I died before her. After so many years of this, I think she must have passed by now. I wasn’t always the nicest to her, and my biggest regret was not letting her know...how much she meant to me.”

Brown eyes looked down, and Sasori’s lips tugged as he thought of his grandmother. He didn’t care about much when he was alive, but he did care about her. She was the only person capable of making him so happy and upset at the same time. 

He was thankful that Deidara couldn’t see how pitiful he looked at the moment. Anytime he thought about his grandmother, he would feel a terrible tug at his heart. Before he knew it, his hand was squeezing the red cloth over his chest, and he let the pain take over for a quiet moment.

“Wow,” Deidara mumbled, “I’m sorry, my man. You seemed to really care about her, yeah.”

Sasori let go of his robe. “Yeah. I did. Probably the only person who I ever let room for in my cold, dead heart. Alright, move onto another subject.”

Deidara froze with the spoon in his mouth at the curt demand, but nodded nonetheless. That last statement said enough about whether he had any close friends or lovers in the past.

He said truthfully, “I wish I could see what you looked like. Sometimes I feel crazy talking to just a voice, hm.”

“Isn’t the mystery what’s fun?” Sasori said with a smirk, “You can just use your imagination.”

Deidara took a bite of his strawberry ice cream before responding. “I don’t want to imagine. I’d like to see who I’m talking to.”

“Well, too bad. Get used to it,” Sasori said.

“You know,” Deidara started somewhat shyly, “You’re lucky to have had a close relationship with someone in your family. My parents and I have never been close. My mom is too busy to check up on me and my dad just doesn’t care. They probably do care, just not as much as I want them to. My mom last called me 2 months ago. I could be dead and they wouldn’t even know.”

“Hm. At least they’re alive. But maybe you should tell them that. Maybe they feel that you don’t like them,” Sasori suggested with a shrug.

Deidara licked his spoon, and stared down at the empty bowl.

Perhaps he was right.

—

“Deidara~! How’s my favorite person doing? I miss you! We should hang out this weekend!”

Deidara held the phone away from his ears at the shrill voice, but grinned widely when he responded.

“Yeah, sure. What about your place this time? I haven’t seen it yet. It probably looks ridiculous.”

Tobi giggled, because only he giggles like a child.

“Rin helped me decorate, of course. I had an amazing, large swirly carpet, but she made me throw it out! She’s so mean sometimes. But not as mean as you!”

Tobi laughed again, and Deidara forced himself to laugh along. Should he have been offended? He was a bit of an ass, so he supposed it was fair.

“Alright, I’ll go so I don’t keep you from Rin-“

“Oh, no! Talk with me more! She’s out tonight, and I’m sooo bored!”

Deidara shrugged, because what the hell? He supposed it wouldn’t hurt.

“Ooo, let me tell you something funny! So this morning...”

Deidara listened to Tobi’s ridiculous stories with a small grin on his face. Deidara even told him about his own life and the date he went on, which Tobi thought was ‘so adorable’. If Tobi were there, Deidara would have slapped him for that.

They chatted for a few more hours before Deidara said he had to shower and go to bed, so they said their goodbyes and left.

“Man, Tobi is so annoying. Gotta love him though.” Deidara shook his head fondly before gathering his clothes for a shower.

Sasori watched the happy smile on his face.

Something ugly coiled inside of him.

He didn’t like Tobi.

—

Sasori was silent as Deidara drove over to Tobi’s house. It made the blonde shift uncomfortably.

“You good, my man?” Deidara asked as he turned on his blinker and switched lanes. This time he checked his blind spot, which meant he was improving!

Sasori didn’t respond.

“Sasori? You pissed again?”

This time, he heard a small huff.

“Not at you.”

Deidara rolled his eyes so hard he almost hit the car that moved in front of him. 

“What’s wrong?”

“I don’t like Tobi. He’s...annoying.”

“I know,” Deidara said, “I hate him. Still, he’s one of my best friends. He’s that lovable type of annoying, as sappy as that sounds, hm.”

Sasori turned to stare out the window with a glare.

—

Deidara thought his night with Tobi would go smoothly, but no, it was a fucking train wreck.

First of all, Tobi was weird. More weird than normal.

“Deidara~ let me do your hair! I can never do Rin’s because it’s too short! Your hair is long and luscious.”

The two were just playing uno on the floor a minute earlier and now he wanted to do his hair? Deidara frowned at his cards, then shrugged.

“I guess. Just don’t pull any out, yeah.”

Tobi yelled excitedly then hopped up and over behind the blonde, who was skeptical. Was Tobi planning some type of prank? 

Tobi sat down behind him, and Deidara pulled out his half up hair. He pulled up a knee, and watched the wall with a bored expression. He would much rather be playing uno than letting Tobi play with his hair. What was this, a girl’s slumber party?

“What would you like? It’s like a hair salon! I can french braid, dutch braid, and Rin recently taught me how to do a fishtail!”

While explaining, Deidara felt hands rake through his hair. He didn’t even know what half of those looked like.

“Uh, why don’t you get a brush first?” Deidara suggested.

“Oh, right!”

Tobi was gone and before Deidara could breath, he was back again with a brush.

‘Damn’, he cursed in his mind, ‘Why is he so fast?’

Deidara relaxed his shoulders as Tobi hummed a tune while brushing his hair. The bristles scratched his scalp, which felt good, he hated to admit. 

Then the brush was set down, and fingers nimbly maneuvered his hair in a pattern.

“We will be doing a french braid! That’s what I’m best at,” Tobi spoke quickly as Diedara warily nodded. 

What the hell was he doing? Why did he even agree to this?

“You know, Deidara, I always have thought you were so...attractive.”

...

Eh?

Deidara blinked owlishly. Did he hear that correctly? He twisted a finger in his ear to make sure he wasn’t hearing things.

“Uh, what Tobi?”

“I said,” Tobi repeated, voice lower, “I’ve always thought you were attractive.”

He turned to stare at him in shock.

“Especially your eyes.”

Tobi’s darker ones shined as he grinned.

He couldn’t help it. His cheeks flushed.

“T-Tobi!” Deidara sputtered erratically, “The hell?! You’re acting weird!”

Suddenly, the lights turned off.

Tobi squealed and hugged Deidara tightly, going back to the old Tobi Deidara knew. That earlier attitude was nothing like normal! It was as if something entirely new took over.

“Relax! I’ll just turn the lights back on- and get off me!” Deidara shoved the darker haired man off and got up to turn on the lights. He used the light from the kitchen to find the switch and turn it on. Neither paid attention to how the switch was already pulled down.

The lights came back on, and Tobi slumped over in relief. 

“Thank you, Deidara! That was so scary! You’re like my hero~”

“Tobi.” Deidara swallowed nervously as he looked over at his friend. “What was that earlier? You don’t...you don’t just say that to anyone.”

Tobi stilled, and simply looked at him.

“I lied to you. To her.”

His breath hitched, and Deidara furrowed his brows at the man. “What do you mean? Lied about what, hm?”

Tobi looked to the side at the coffee table. The way his eyes lidded and his mouth turned down had Deidara questioning everything.

“I can’t take it anymore. I’ve been keeping this to myself for so long that it’s been eating me up for years. Deidara, I...”

Deidara felt his face pale.

“You love me, don’t you?” he mumbled.

Tobi’s eyes watered. He immediately shook his head, and he sat down on the couch to burrow his face into his hands. 

“I do.” His voice was barely audible.

“What about Rin?”

Tobi shook his head. “I love her. I love her so much, but deep down inside, I knew I was just pretending. I was living a life I’ve always wanted and I tried to deny my true feelings. You can leave if I’ve ruined everything.”

Deidara felt his mouth go dry at the confession. 

“So it was all just pretend?”

“Mostly. I acted like a fool to get attention. I was ‘fun’, and everyone wanted to be my friend. You’re the only one who knows the true me. I love Rin, but I love you more, Deidara. I’m sorry.”

Deidara wanted to just walk away, but that would just be shitty. Tobi has been there for Deidara ever since they’ve lived together, so he figured he should do the same. He slowly walked over to him, and gently placed a hand on his shoulder. Tobi looked up at him with so much pain.

“Thanks for telling me.”

Deidara smiled down at him, and watched as Tobi’s shoulders sagged in visible relief. He bent down, and hugged his friend tightly. A bit out of his element, but he didn’t want his friend to be too depressed.

Before he could say that he unfortunately didn’t feel the same way, train wreck number 2 happened.

The TV turned on suddenly, and loud static bursted through their ears. Deidara jumped away with a yelp, his heart pounding at the sudden noise. Tobi looked just as frightened.

“The fuck?” Tobi cursed, making Deidara raise a brow at him. That was something he would never get used to.

Deidara’s head tilted backwards as his hair was yanked hard, and he groaned at the pounding pain in his skull as his hair fell loose from the braid.

Tobi’s eyes went wide in his direction, and then he blurted out the chilling words.

“A-A ghost!” he pointed, “Oh god! It’s my worst nightmare come true! Fuck this, I’m out! Come on!”

Tobi jumped up, grabbing Deidara’s hand in the process. He ran towards the front door, and desperately turned the knob. His mouth fell open when the door wouldn’t budge.

“I-It’s stuck! We’re gonna die! In my own home-“

“Tobi,” Deidara deadpanned, “You forgot to unlock the door, hm.”

“Oh.” Tobi’s face went red. “Sorry.”

He unlocked the door, and Tobi shoved Deidara out of the way to escape first.

Before Deidara could step out, he turned his head to give the room a dark glare.

“We’re gonna have a talk when we get home.”

Then he shut the door.

—

“I don’t know if I can go back in there.” 

Tobi visibly shuddered, which Deidara rolled his eyes at. 

“What should we do then? Sleep outside with the coyotes?” Deidara asked with a raised brow. 

Tobi just shrugged, and pulled out a pack of cigarettes. Deidara watched as he lit one and put it in his mouth.

“I didn’t know you smoked.”

Tobi blew out the smoke through his nose. “I have for a while. I hid it because that was another thing I wasn’t comfortable with anyone knowing. I don’t do it often, just during stressful times.”

The night was humid and still. It felt like Tobi and him were the only ones alive with how quiet and tranquil the neighborhood was. Crickets filled the silence that began to stretch as Deidara tried not to cough at the secondhand smoke. 

“I like this side of you more,” Deidara said, breaking the silence. “It’s more genuine. I think I hate you a little less now, hm.”

Tobi chuckled, “Noted. Don’t worry, I won’t do that stupid act around you anymore.”

There was still that unanswered question hanging in the air.

“Tobi.”

Dark eyes looked over at him.

Deidara swallowed the lump in his throat, and he sighed before answering.

“I’m sorry. I don’t feel the same way. But...can we still be friends?”

There was a ghost of a smile on his face as he nodded. “Of course.”

—

After a million attempts, Deidara was able to bring Tobi back into his own home. The ‘poltergeist’ ended, so they were able to sleep comfortably in the living room.

Sasori felt sick. Even as a being who was long dead, he could feel the stomach churning nausea in his gut. It was unfamiliar, it was uncomfortable, and it was vulnerable. 

Emotion. Feeling.

He hated it with every fiber of his cold being.

He could only stand by as Tobi’s fingers raked through Deidara’s hair as if it was made out of the softest material. The way Tobi’s dark eyes lidded as he looked over the blonde’s body had him feel something dark and ugly rise within him. It only got worse when Deidara looked at him bashfully with the compliment.

When they hugged after the confession, he lost control. His short supplied patience ran empty once more.

He yanked Deidara’s hair, and tried to ignore the soft strands that were thick in his fist. The braid was a disgrace on him, anyway.

A smug smile appeared once Tobi ran out of his house out of fear. Sometimes playing ghost truly provided the best entertainment.

Well deserved.

He found himself glaring at his blonde companion back at his home, crossing his arms as Deidara pointed and yelled at him. Well, Deidara was yelling at the direction of the wall where he thought Sasori was.

“I’m behind you, idiot,” Sasori said as he rolled his eyes.

Deidara growled out, and his expressive eyes narrowed dangerously as he whirled around to face the angel. 

“You piss me off, my man! You freaked him out, and that was uncalled for, hm! If only you had a damn body so I could drag your ass back there and make you apologize!”

Sasori stared at him like he was watching paint dry.

“Who cares,” he mumbled, “I was just having some fun while you two were drooling over each other. He’s a wimp if he can’t handle a little TV static or power outage.”

“You yanked my hair!” Deidara yelled.

“Oh. I suppose I did that as well. You should shower more, because it felt like raw noodles in my dead hands.”

Oh how wrong he was. Why couldn’t he just speak the damn truth?

Oh no. There’s the hurt look in his eyes. Sasori mentally sighed as Deidara’s fury melted into a look of offense.

“You’re lying. You’re dead, so there’s no way you can feel anything.”

Deidara moodily moved to sit in his recliner, leaning back with a bit too much force as he glared at the TV.

Sasori watched him with judging eyes. “I can feel. I can feel anything if I concentrate my power. Trust me, brat, those were some noodly hairs.”

Deidara didn’t respond. 

—


	5. Chapter 5

Life went on.

Two years later, Deidara was 26, and things certainly have changed from the previous times. He sold his art, saw Tobi (who broke up with Rin and went on to find someone new), and of course, had Sasori by his side the whole time. He gave his parents a call, and they arranged to have dinner at their house once a month. With them back in his life, things looked a bit brighter, even on the shittiest days. 

Deidara also now had an enemy.

It all started the day Itachi Uchiha purchased one of his pieces of art. The damn bastard. Him, and his brother.

He remembered that day perfectly even though it was over a year ago. 

...

It was a sunny day. The rays of light shined down throughout his entire house, and Deidara was grinning as he made his creation. A clay centipede! He got inspiration from the massive centipede that was crawling around his feet while he was on the toilet. It definitely did not make him scream and jump up.

Once he finished, he got a few good pictures of it, and put it up on his website. A proud grin formed as he put up the price and saw his wonderful creation. Yes, this was it!

He got a call a few days later about purchasing the art, and he eagerly told the buyer his address and set up a date for him to pick it up.

He said his name was Itachi. At first, Itachi sounded like a respectful guy. He was polite, straight to the point, and knew what he was doing. 

Yeah, he respected him. Until him and his brother showed up and told the real reason why they purchased his masterpiece.

“Thanks, hm!” Deidara accepted the cash, and gave the taller man an appreciative grin. What a nice guy. “So, you two like art? Insect pieces in particular?”

The younger looking one spoke up then. He looked bored and uninterested the entire time, so when he spoke, Deidara was a bit surpised.

“We don’t care about your art,” he said in a bored tone, “It’s a gag gift for a friend of ours.”

“Sasuke,” Itachi warned his brother, and gave him a look, “Don’t say that.” His dark eyes then moved to Deidara. “I apologize for my younger brother. We appreciate the time and effort you put into this.”

He hated their guts! His art was not to be used as some ‘gag gift’, it was meant to be idolized and admired for the fine masterpiece it was! Did these two take his art so lightly?! As if it was a joke?

“You,” he slowly lifted an acussing finger towards the two brothers, eyes rapidly looking between both of them. “You think my art is some joke?”

Itachi gave him a look akin to slight bewilderment, but Sasuke just cocked his hip and rose a brow at him. He didn’t know which damn brother was worse. The younger one with the attitude as if he was better than him, or the older one who was acting so fake. He wasn’t polite, he was just pretending! He was just as awful as his brother.

“I already told you, we definitely appreciate the effort you put into this. Again, I apologize. I can buy another piece if you’d like-“

Before Deidara could lose his temper and go apeshit, he held his head up high, turned around, and went back inside without a goodbye.

When he turned around to slam the door, he made sure to give each of them a nasty glare. With harsh force, he closed the door, his mood more ruined than ever before.

“That was kind of funny,” Sasori commented because he needed to make sure Deidara felt even worse.

“Yeah, it’s all funny until it happens to you! Never in my life has my art ever been ridiculed like that! Who did they think they were?! They think they’re so high and mighty, those damn bastards!” Deidara began to pace around his living room, ranting to Sasori to let out his boiling anger.

The whole time, Sasori was watching the TV with little interest. He was resting his head on his fist as he sat on the couch. Every now and then he paid attention to Deidara’s outbursts, but then he got bored again and went back to watching.

“You done yet?” he sighed.

“Argh, it’s only 11 in the afternoon and my whole day is ruined! Not even my art can help me right now, so I’m getting some damn ice cream. Come on, my man.” Deidara grabbed his keys and made his way to the car.

‘More like his grave,’ Sasori thought, giving the car a dark glare as he had no choice but to follow him.

Sasori wanted desperately to tell the fool that he needed to be more careful on the road. He wanted to tell him that one day it would get him killed and he wouldn’t be able to stop him, but he couldn’t. The death was played into his head a thousand times and it still made his chest ache painfully. Every year that passed, the day got closer and closer, and Sasori didn’t want to admit that he wasn’t ready.

He didn’t want to go back to being invisible. 

And somewhere in the back of his twisted mind, he didn’t want the brat to leave him so soon. He couldn’t explain it, but the thought of Deidara getting taken away made him feel...horribly sad. 

He made himself as comfortable as a dead being could be in the seat, and watched as Deidara pulled out without looking with a quiet sigh. Deidara blasted his music through the car, which was the first thing that made him look happy after the incident. He couldn’t bring himself to yell at him to turn it down, so he endured it until Deidara arrived at the shop.

Deidara was 25 now. It felt like only yesterday when the brat discovered him the first time, or when he jumped off the bridge.

Time was flying by so fast, and Deidara’s time was running out. He looked at the man who was smiling as he floored the gas and made them go 30 over the speed limit when no one was around. A smile so bright and filled with life, and eyes so expressive and wild. 

When Deidara turns 29, it will all be ripped away from him. 

Sasori couldn’t help but think, ‘That’s too soon.’

“Are you okay, my man? You’re more quiet than usual,” Deidara said as he gave the seat a quick glance.

“I was just reminded of something unpleasant,” Sasori mumbled as he rested his head against the window. “There’s nothing to worry about.”

“Oh.” Deidara’s smile fell slightly. “About what?”

‘Your death.’

“Your annoying face.”

Then Deidara rolled his eyes, because typical Sasori. 

“Whatever.”

The redhead closed his eyes, and took a deep breath to try and ease the pain deep inside him. 

...

Twenty six.

Only 3 more years.

More often than not, Sasori was playing Deidara’s death in his head. The short scream that was stopped by death, the full on collision that absolutely crushes him, and worst of all, the aftermath of his body. His eyes are wide and unseeing in the end, and Sasori thought that image was the most haunting.

He couldn’t escape it. Not even for one day.

He was brought back by Deidara talking to him.

“Okay, you’re starting to piss me off. Clearly there’s something on your mind, Sasori.”

“Is there something wrong with not opening my mouth every 2 damn seconds like you?” Sasori asked him without any amusement. 

“No,” Deidara said, “I’m not stupid. You barely say anything, not even when something bad happens to me. There’s something on your mind, and I want you to spill it.”

He always had to lie. 

“Maybe I’m just not in the talking mood. Surely you’ve figured that out by now.”

Deidara gave the chair he figured Sasori was sitting in a long and calculating glare. “Tell me the truth for once.”

Sasori ran a hand through his hair, and took a deep breath to try and stop the angry burst of words that tried to escape. He hated it when Deidara tried to interrogate him like this. Nothing was more damn infuriating than someone who tries to prod at someone until they tell them something.

“Fine.” Sasori returned the glare. If he wanted the damn truth, then he was going to get it. “I’m thinking about your upcoming death. Should be soon, Deidara.”

Sasori’s brow twitched at the crestfallen face. If he wanted the truth so bad, then he should have prepared for the harsh reality of it beforehand. Now that he was going to be mopey and upset, Sasori was for sure going to hear about it.

“Oh, don’t give me that look. You’re not afraid of dying, so why the hell does that upset you so much?”

Deidara looked to be annoyed by that, but Sasori knew him well enough to know it was a front. 

“It doesn’t. As long as I go out with a bang, then I’m fine with it.”

Deidara didn’t finish the rest of his dinner after that, and Sasori could see plain as day that it affected him.

They didn’t talk much the rest of the evening. With their minds on the future catastrophe, they just couldn’t think of anything else.

—

Two months after the confession, Deidara decided to tell Sasori something personal that was apparently on his mind for a whole year.

Deidara was resting his head on his closed fist as he sat on his front steps. The sun was setting in the evening, and he was staring out into his neighborhood with a far off look in his blue eyes. It was a happy and calm scenery. Warm summer air, and the joyful laughter of the kids next door. He couldn’t pay attention to any of it.

Sasori was sitting right next to him, leaning back and supporting himself upright with his arms. Deidara was especially sullen that day, but Sasori couldn’t bring himself to ask what was wrong. When he himself is down, he’d rather keep to himself. Perhaps Deidara was feeling that way now.

However, Deidara was the one to speak up first.

“Am I really gonna die soon?”

Sasori looked at him, and saw that Deidara was now clenching his other fist. The blonde’s voice was barely audible.

He looked away. “Yes.”

“When?”

“I can’t tell you. You know that, Deidara.”

Sasori heard Deidara exhale a deep sigh, and watched as the blonde turned to rest his head on his knees. He was deeply upset.

“It makes you upset. The fact that you will die soon.”

Deidara huffed, “You don’t need to say it out loud, asshole. Obviously it upsets me.”

Sasori couldn’t help but narrow his eyes. “But why does it upset you? What changed?”

“I...” Deidara then paused. When he kept quiet, Sasori glared at him.

“You what? Spit it out already.”

“I didn’t...Argh! Forget it!” Deidara suddenly got up quickly, and even that startled Sasori a bit. The blonde turned to go back inside, and Sasori watched as his face twisted into frustration and maybe distress. 

Before he could get a step in, Sasori grabbed his arm. He wouldn’t let him just run away. It was something Deidara did often with him that greatly angered the angel.

Deidara froze on the step, and Sasori could feel the goosebumps raise on his arm. It was justified, as Sasori was just a force grabbing him.

“No. Tell me. I want to know what changed. I don’t care what it is, so you can tell me. No...judgment.”

A bit of a reach. Maybe Deidara knew that, but he usually carried on anyway.

Instead of ripping his arm away like he expected, Deidara just let it go limp by his side. Sasori could have let go, but be didn’t. He found that he liked holding him like this. It made something inside of him flip, but it wasn’t exactly unpleasant. Foreign, but not unpleasant.

Deidara hung his head slightly, and it seemed as though he finally gave up fighting. “It sounds sappy, but...I guess you kind of being with me made me see something I guess...meaningful in life? Argh, I don’t know! Before I just stopped caring, but I find now that life is something that can be more. Less as well, but also more. When I realized that I could spend more time with you in the future, I guess I found that I didn’t want to have that go away.”

Not a lot surprised Sasori, but that certainly did. Just him talking and being with Deidara made the idiot not careless about death anymore. He cared about his life now, and didn’t want it to get thrown away recklessly.

All because of him.

Deidara’s arm slipped out of his grip when he brought his hands up to his face, and Sasori caught the slight reddening of his cheeks. 

“Say something, damnit! Fuck, maybe that was too much. Forget it, Sasori-“

“Shut up, brat. Just shut up for once,” Sasori cut off, closing his eyes for a moment to take in everything that was just said. It was so much.

Deidara did stay quiet. Something that was typically hard for him to do.

Then Sasori spoke up again. “Look, you don’t have to be all embarrassed. I understand now, alright?”

Sasori opened his mouth to keep going, but he hesitated, trying to think of what to say next.

‘You got less annoying I guess.’

‘Your presence was tolerable.’

‘I don’t hate you as much as I used to.’

He almost opted for ‘You still annoy me, but your feelings aren’t that stupid,’ but he was tired of the constant and small lies. Not now.

So he said, “Don’t feel ashamed, brat. I don’t really like being so openly honest about my feelings, but I will admit that being able to communicate with you made me feel less empty and miserable. When you leave...”

He found himself already regretting where he was going with this, but it was eating him up so bad and he felt like Deidara needed to know. No-he wasn’t going to back out. Feelings are hard, but for Deidara, he was willing to make an effort.

He calmed himself. For him.

“...I will miss you.”

He had to bite his tongue to not add ‘brat’ or ‘idiot’ to the end. If he had, he felt like it would have lost its true meaning. It wouldn’t have sounded as serious as he was.

Deidara looked over at him, and Sasori hated how he couldn’t look into his eyes. It once again made him feel invisible.

The blonde’s mouth fell open slightly, and his cheeks looked colored once again. It was barely noticeable, but Sasori was always good at paying close attention to small details, especially when it came to Deidara. 

When his mouth closed, he smiled. Sasori realized that it was quite unlike his usual grins. They were typically wide and made him look slightly insane, but this was so much softer. It clicked then. He realized that it made him look truly happy.

“You’d miss me, huh? I thought I was so annoying,” Deidara said, his smile then twisting back to the more crazed one. Sasori rolled his eyes. Way to ruin it.

“You are still annoying. That doesn’t mean it won’t be dull when you die.”

Even though the topic was now becoming a sore subject, Deidara didn’t let that depress him. His smile stayed.

When the blonde looked over at him, Sasori moved so that he was finally looking him right in the eyes. He locked onto his gaze, and he couldn’t look away. 

“Thanks, my man. That means a lot.”

Sasori felt his own lips curl up. He couldn’t help it. Perhaps Deidara’s genuine happiness was rubbing off on him.

“I know,” he said.

He was feeling warm. His body was oddly fuzzy, but like before, it didn’t feel bad. He wanted to reach out and hold him again, but he didn’t. 

It was growing stronger; the feelings, the need to be by his side, and the pain that the idea of him dying was bringing him. 

It was almost like being alive again, and nothing felt better than that.

When they decided to go back inside, Sasori felt as if their relationship had changed. It was the honesty, he realized.

Deidara had only 3 more years left.

Deidara didn’t know when he was going to die. He just knew it was soon.

Before Deidara would go, Sasori knew then that he had to make this worthwhile. He had to savor every little moment that they will have, and he had to make sure that Deidara wasn’t too let down or upset.

Most of all, Sasori knew that he had to eventually prepare for his death.

He watched as Deidara happily went back to sculpting and ranted about the creations he wanted to create. He told Sasori that he may even try wood carving just to try out the art that the angel loved.

He wasn’t sure if he was going to be able to.

—


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Getting close to the end:) wow, I did not expect to make this so depressing. This chapter is more mindless and lighthearted than the last one and the upcoming ones. 
> 
> I got a whole outline done which I’ve never done before, and honestly, best decision ever. I might actually finish a longer fic for the first time now

Deidara stared at the chunk of wood in confusion. He held up his carving tool, then scratched his head.

“Uh, how do I do this?” 

He heard an annoyed groan, which he clicked his tongue at. How the hell was he supposed to know how to do this? He’s never carved wood in his life! The only ‘carving’ he did was scratching obscene images into the picnic table in middle school.

“You just scrape the wood to get your desired shape,” Sasori spoke in a tired voice, “Hurry up. I’m losing brain cells just watching you stare at it.”

“Fine! Impatient asshole...”

“I heard that.”

“Good, hm.”

Deidara put the tool up to the wood, and tried to scrape some of it. The wood made the scraping go in a jagged motion, and he scowled at how tough it was. Clay was easy to mold and cut. This stuff was basically shaving to get your shape. 

In other words, it was a lot more work. Deidara didn’t like that.

He grit his teeth slightly as he carefully focused on trying to go faster. The more he did it, the more it began to scrape smoothly. However, he wasn’t sure how to shape it into the mask he saw online.

When he cut his finger, he threw it all on the desk, and stomped to the bathroom to get a bandaid.

“How do you of all people even have the patience to do that?” Deidara asked as he wrapped the bandaid around the bloody cut.

“I think art is one of the few things worth waiting for,” Sasori said, “Wood carving certainly isn’t for idiots like you. It requires patience and delicacy. Close attention to detail. If you hate it so much, you might as well quit now.”

Deidara didn’t have to be told twice. Brushing off the insult, he went back to his desk and tossed the wood to the side. He grabbed his clay and began to work with it. Bats were today’s inspiration.

Yep. Clay was definitely the only art for him.

Of course Sasori acted like he was superior to everyone, but Deidara couldn’t help but admire that the man was able to create entire puppets out of just wood.

It was rare, but Deidara thought then that Sasori maybe was better than him, and he typically didn’t think that about anyone.

Of course, he kept that a secret.

—

A few days later, Deidara became the most livid he has ever been in his entire life.

The day was slow and boring. He decided to add his bat creation to his website. The creations with wings seemed to do the best.

As he was scrolling through his website, he saw that there was a new review.

On every. Single. Item.

He scrolled to the top, and clicked on his art. It was the piece he called the C1 Spider. He clicked on the reviews, and went through them.

‘Loved this! Got it for my daughter and she absolutely loved it!’-Artisluv

‘Amazing as always. The simplicity and variation of animals and insects is what I love most. Keep it up.’-Chicken4

‘Horrible. The piece I bought totally crumbled and looked like shit. 0/5 star rating. Loser.’-narutosucks7

Deidara’s mouth fell open.

He heard a slight chuckle coming from over his shoulder where he was hunched over the computer. “Ouch. That’s gotta hurt.”

Deidara exploded. “Shut UP, my man! I know for a fact that I never left a piece ready to crumble and handed it off to a customer! This guy has no idea what he’s talking about! Mother fucking stupid asshole son of a bitch-“

He was seeing red. Every time he read the comment again, his anger increased even more. Even Sasori stayed quiet as he rambled on and on.

Finally, he calmed down enough to see the other reviews.

He scrolled down, a now nasty scowl on his face. It was his C2 dragon. 

‘Was very sturdy and finely sculpted. Very pleased with the results.’-Cobblegobble

‘Good job. 5/5.’-Mydadleftme

‘So fun and creative:DD My favorite piece yet!’-cummeal

‘So shitty. 0/5 for the tail looking like an anal bead. Bleh.’-narutosucks7

Him again! 

“An anal bead?! You’ve gotta be kidding me!” Deidara yelled as he contemplated replying to the dickhead. 

No. If he did that, he would look like a bad artist. He can’t risk that.

He heard a slight exhale from the nose, and his face heated up as he exploded at Sasori. “The hell are you laughing at?!”

“It was kind of funny. I mean, if you really look at it, it kind of does-“

Deidara didn’t even listen to the rest of it. 

Then Sasori spoke up again. “If you calm down and think about this rationally, you can clearly tell that this person is personally after you. These were all posted on the same day.”

Personally after him? He can’t remember anyone who he was disrespectful to. He tried to think...who could it be?

Wait...

“It has to be Itachi!” Deidara said.

“Personally I think it was the younger one.”

Deidara cut him off. “No, it was definitely Itachi! The way he looked at me as if he was better...the bastard! It’s him showing me his true self! Next time I see him he’s dead!”

Sasori rolled his eyes. Deidara was so dense sometimes.

“Whatever you say, brat. Don’t let this all go to your head. Ignore it and go to bed. Everyone who’s actually purchased your art knows it’s good.”

Kind words? From Sasori?? Deidara couldn’t believe it.

Maybe he was right. His reviews were typically positive besides a few criticisms here and there. Who would new buyers trust? The random hate from a repeating user, or the reviewers who said it was great?

With these thoughts, he felt his heart begin to calm. The anger was slowly fading away. Sasori was right.

“Hm. I guess you’re right. I’ll just ignore it.”

He flinched when he felt a pressure pat his shoulder. 

“See? Getting worked up like that is useless. If you stop caring, life is so much easier. Now, turn off the light and go to sleep. I want to see the blood moon tonight.”

Deidara rolled his eyes before going off to bed and shutting the lights off. Of course Sasori was interested in the sky. What a nerd.

The darkness took over the room, and Deidara got comfortable in his bed. The air conditioner was extra cold, which guaranteed that he would get a good nights sleep.

—

Eventually, Deidara came to a realization.

He had feelings for a voice.

When he thought it in his head, he winced. Why couldn’t he like a living being like a normal person? It made him sullen.

Sasori has been with him his entire life. He has been speaking to him for 3 years. Sure, they argued a lot, disagreed on almost everything, and verbally bullied each other, but underneath that, there was something more to it. There were moments where they saw each other as more than a nuisance.

Once he came to that conclusion, he immediately had to tell someone.

Only problem was that Sasori was there all the damn time. 

Deidara found himself sitting in the corner of his living room. On the floor. With his phone really close to his face...

“Deidara, what the hell are you doing?” Sasori asked him.

Deidara noticed that his voice was in front of him, so he went in his contacts to Tobi’s number.

“Nothing, hm.”

“Oh, nothing?” Sasori asked, “You’re just choosing to sit in the corner on the floor for fun?”

“Yeah. Change of scenery down here.”

He began to type very quickly. His cheeks heated up as he read his message he was about to send.

‘Tobi, I think I like someone. I know I do this time.’

He hit send, and his heart was racing. He didn’t know why. Tobi wouldn’t care. Sasori was in front of him and couldn’t see. It was fine.

“You’re messaging someone and I can’t see it, brat? What the hell are you hiding from me?” Sasori’s voice loomed over him.

On instinct, Deidara just cradled it closer to his chest. “Nothing. Maybe I just want some privacy for once, yeah?”

He turned his ringer off. Tobi’s message came quickly.

‘Really?? Who? Never thought I’d see the day’

Deidara quietly sighed once he realized that Sasori was nothing but an invisible angel. He never told Tobi about him. 

‘A guy named Sasori’

He sent the message and resisted the urge to rub his face in embarrassment. 

He’s pathetic.

Why can’t he just like someone living? No, he had to have feelings for a damn voice! He didn’t even know what the bastard looked like! Others couldn’t even see nor hear him.

But he couldn’t control how he felt. Sasori was just a voice, but that voice had such an impact on him. 

He looked down at his phone once the message came in.

‘Sasori? I’ve never heard of him before. He a friend? Send me a picture of him’

Oh no.

Deidara began to panic. How dumb was he?? He never thought things through which always made things go to shit. Of course it was his fault, but he’d never admit that.

He racked his brain to try to come up with excuses. In his hurry, he quickly typed his not thought out response. He wanted to punch himself for being so damn stupid.

‘Oh, he doesn’t have pics of himself on social media. He just posts his art on there’

Okay, that wasn’t too bad. Pretty believable-

‘Huh, that surprises me! How’d you two meet? How old is he? Man I have a lot of questions haha. Send me his account anyway’

No! How’d they meet? This was overwhelming! And his account?! He was so fucked. What does he even do?! Sasori was literally dead!

“Why do you look so scared?” Sasori said, interrupting his train of jumbled thoughts. He sounded disgusted.

“Shut up! I’m trying to think!” Deidara yelled back.

“Sheesh. Fine, whatever.”

Deidara focused back on his phone, staring at his screen. 

Wait, he had an idea.

‘Hold on, I’ll get back to you later. Got some buyers on my site’

‘Alright. Make sure you send me the account! Gotta see what he’s all about’

‘Ha, yeah’

He turned off his phone and sat in a fetal position. 

He needed to come up with something fast.

—

The next day, Deidara found himself in the corner. On the floor. Face in his phone.

He had the perfect idea.

He made a second account on his Instagram. This was going to be Sasori’s ‘profile’. 

Step 1: Username. He decided on SasoArt_78.

Step 2: Bio. He didn’t think Sasori would actually put much in his bio, so he went for the basic facts.

‘Sasori/35/Puppet artist’

Bland, but he didn’t care.

Step 3: Photos...

Deidara searched some quick google images of wood art and slapped it on there. People would clearly tell it’s fake, but again, he didn’t care. 

Step 4: Followers.

This was what Deidara was most worried about. A super low follower count will look suspicious. He decided to randomly follow art accounts, have them follow back, then set to private.

Eventually, he ended up following 50 and having 18 followers...

Good enough.

He set his account to private, then let himself relax. It was done.

He texted Tobi the account, and waited.

However, he got a DM on the Sasori account.

He opened it, slightly confused.

Lovelyart32: hey um..what exactly is this account? Pretty sure Akatsuna Sasori died a while ago...

He couldn’t help the way his eyes went wide. He was getting called out! Also, he had no clue that was Sasori’s last name. Why hadn’t he told him before? Was Sasori that famous?

Then he realized that he could search him up.

Shoving that back in his mind for later, Deidara went back to the conversation.

SasoArt_78: Oh, this is just a fan account. I really admired him

Lovelyart32: oh! Gotcha!

He quickly exited. Damn, that made him nervous. Thankfully Tobi didn’t seem to know who he was, or else he would be in huge trouble.

Tobi’s message came through.

‘Heyo! I requested to follow him. Hopefully he accepts me’

Yeah, no way in hell that was happening.

Another text came through. ‘35? Going for older, huh?’

Deidara rolled his eyes. That was only an 9 year difference! Besides, he was getting close to 30 himself.

‘Oi, I’m 26! Not like I’m 18’

‘I was just messing with you. You’re no fun! Anyway, tell me more about him. What made you fall in love? And how’d you two meet??’

Deidara looked away from the blinding screen. What was it that made him fall in love, exactly?

It was the little things. Sasori’s insults began to not bother him as much. In fact, he would even call their spats banter. When Deidara would get upset over something, Sasori would try to help him with his words. When Sasori told him he would be missed when he dies, Deidara realized that was when the feelings came through. It was one of the most honest things he has ever told him. When he held his arm in that gentle grip and he could feel it, his heart pounded like never before and that fluttery feeling settled in his stomach.

It wasn’t like anything he has ever felt before. Deidara wasn’t that familiar with love, but he believed that this was it.

But to put it simply, Deidara basically fell in love when Sasori was honest about his death. It was the biggest factor. Sasori made Deidara feel wanted.

Yeah...Deidara was not telling Tobi that.

He sighed. Another lie to tell so he doesn’t look like a psychopath. 

As for the meeting? He will just pull something out of his ass.

‘We met at a store. He was interested in my clay art, and then we kept talking and exchanged numbers. As time went on, I guess I began to fall for him. He’s a bit of a dick, but he’s shown me that he has a heart in there somewhere. Once he opened up that heart of his, I guess I liked him, hm’

His eye twitched. Did he really just write out the sound ‘hm’ on text? He deleted it and shook his head. Damn verbal tics getting to his brain.

‘He sounds like your type, actually. Someone just like yourself!’

He scoffed at that.

‘Oh shut up! Me and him are not alike at all! He’s an impatient and soulless bastard who I stupidly fell for!’

‘Whatever you say Deidara~’

Deidara turned off his phone while cursing Tobi in his head. What an annoying guy.

He finally stood up from the floor, and popped his back from his hunched over position. 

“So, care to tell me what your little secret texts are about, Deidara?” Sasori’s smooth voice came from behind him as Deidara walked to the kitchen.

“None of your business, my man,” Deidara mumbled, shoving items around in the fridge.

“Are you talking about me, perhaps? About how talented and amazing I am?”

“Oh, piss off, hm!” Deidara growled. The words made him feel nervous somehow, and his face heated up an ugly red. What kind of game was Sasori playing at? His eyes lit up once he found his leftover pasta from the other night.

“You didn’t deny it. I can see how embarrassed you’re getting. What could you have said about me to make you react so...expressively?” Deidara knew he was grinning as he teased him.

“N-Nothing!” he protested, trying to calm his racing heart. Did he just stutter? He never stutters.

“You’re getting so worked up. Now I must know.”

“Well too bad, hm! You’re never gonna find out!”

There was a silence. Deidara swallowed, walking over to sit at the table cautiously. His eyes were warily looking around. Was it suddenly colder?

Goosebumps rose as he felt a chilly presence. His eyes kept darting to his left side. He was there.

“Or...” Sasori started, his voice low and intimidating, “...are you talking shit about me?”

The blonde shivered. His voice was so low and sinister. His body was frozen, and he was too scared to speak. 

“No, that’s not it at all,” Deidara finally spat out. “It’s nothing bad, my man.”

Then, it wasn’t so cold.

“Hmph. Fine, I believe you. Sometimes a scare tactic is necessary, Deidara. Anyway, can you maybe...stream those YouTube videos again?”

Deidara felt a fond grin form on his face. One thing that Deidara and Sasori bonded over, he found out, was YouTube videos on art. He finally found out a way for Sasori to enjoy his time, and it made him happy.

“Sure. Marionette making?”

“Ah, that does sound pretty interesting. I guess that’s fine.”

Throughout the video, Sasori made little comments expressing his likes or dislikes about the creation. Deidara himself didn’t care much for wood work, but listening to Sasori actually enjoy himself was worth it. Most of the time he found himself zoning out and pretending to watch the video, when really, he was focusing on Sasori’s voice.

He liked his voice. 

He looked down at his pocket once he felt his phone vibrate.

He turned it on, and saw that it was a text from Tobi.

‘You should tell him how you feel. If you don’t, it will hurt as time goes on. Believe me, I know’

Deidara read the message about 3 times. 

Tell Sasori how he felt? 

He glanced over to where Sasori was probably on the couch. 

Bitterness built up inside of him.

What did it matter? Sasori showed him almost zero signs of being interested. He wasn’t even sure if he even liked guys. 

He wasn’t even a physical being. There was no way it would work if they couldn’t be physical like normal couples. Not to mention Deidara couldn’t even see him.

It was no use. He had no choice but to shove down his feelings and long for him in secret. It hurt.

He’d rather be in pain than live with Sasori hating him.

He narrowed his eyes. It wouldn’t even matter. Deidara was going to die soon, anyway.

“Hey, there’s a clay one on recommended. Looks up your alley, brat.” 

Deidara snapped out of his thoughts, and he saw the video on the screen.

A clay fish.

“Hm, alright,” he said, clicking the video.

He watched it almost mindlessly.

Sometimes he wished he never spoke to Sasori.

—


	7. Chapter 7

Sasori Akatsuna.

Deidara was sitting on his couch, typing that name into his safari search. This time, he didn’t really care if Sasori saw.

“Why the hell are you searching me up?”

Deidara shrugged. “I wanna see if there’s a picture of you.”

Sasori didn’t respond. Deidara expected him to get annoyed or offended, but he seemed to not have cared. 

The search loaded, and a few links popped up. They were about his death, but he already knew what happened. He clicked on ‘images’, and became almost excited to see what he looked like.

Then he had a whole page full of puppets.

He frowned. His thumb scrolled down, and he quickly scanned the page. Why the hell were there no pictures of him?

“The hell? Why is your face nowhere to be seen despite your creations being famous?” Deidara asked him.

Sasori responded, his voice smug, “I didn’t allow photos of myself. I hate unwanted attention, and I didn’t want to have my private life interrupted. Most people only knew my name. The only pictures I had belonged to my granny. She took a lot of pictures of us together growing up.”

Deidara noticed that Sasori almost sounded nostalgic when talking about his grandmother. It was nice, he thought. At least Sasori had someone important in his life. Deidara nodded in response, and decided to look at his creations through images. 

Some of them unsettled him. They looked...very realistic.

“My man, your puppets are creepy as hell,” he said, wincing at one that had yellow, narrowed eyes and wild hair.

“Pft, they’re not creepy unless you’re a wimp. I got a lot of praise on my puppets. Someone even told me my puppets were like art wearing human skin. I hold that comment very dear to me.”

“‘Cause you’re a creep.”

He felt something hit his head, and Deidara rubbed the spot with a fierce glare. 

“Am not,” Sasori growled, “It was a very high praise, something you wouldn’t understand since your art is ridiculous.”

Somehow, that sentence made something ugly twist deep inside of him. He couldn’t help but become defensive. “I get praise all the time!”

“Really? I’m sure narutosucks7 would disagree.”

“Hey! You told me to ignore him ‘cause he was messing with me and didn’t know art, hm!”

A light snort of laughter came through. “I’m just messing with you. It’s so amusing to see you riled up over every little thing.”

“Yeah, mess with me however you want, but do not insult my art, hm,” Deidara spoke with clear annoyance. 

His art getting ridiculed was one of the only insults that could cut him enough to really hurt, especially with how much more popular those puppets were compared to his sculptures. And since he looked up to Sasori and admired his skills, it hurt to have his hard work put down like that. 

Did Sasori really think his art was stupid?

Deidara shook his head once Sasori didn’t respond, so he went back on his phone with an expression not exactly pleased.

Deep down, the thing he wanted most was for Sasori to approve of his art. 

A text came through from his mom.

‘Hi Dei! Your father and I were thinking of having dinner at your house this time. Is that okay?’

He texted back a speedy reply.

‘Yeah sure whatever. This Saturday, yeah?’

‘Of course.’

‘Fine with me. Tell Dad not to bring that yappy dog! The little bastard bit me last time. Those damn dogs are mean little rats’

‘Noted. And hey, don’t insult Coco like that! She has feelings.’

‘That thing is the devil. She does not have feelings’

His mom sent a bunch of heart emojis because she was overbearing, so he turned his phone off and decided to close his eyes on the couch for a peaceful moment. 

“Aren’t you cold?”

Yes he was a bit chilly, but he didn’t feel like talking to Sasori. If he didn’t approve of his art, then love or not, he wasn’t worth his time.

“No,” he snapped in an icy tone. 

A few minutes later, a blanket was dropped on him. It wasn’t the first time.

He pulled the covers up to his face.

“Hah, knew it.”

Despite wanted to be angry and distant, he still couldn’t ignore the desire that was there inside of him. With moments like this, it only grows stronger.

He let his thoughts drift off. He tried to ignore his death, and tried to think of only happy things. Things that made his life worth living.

He went to sleep.

—

It was Saturday.

Deidara’s parents came in, and he gave each of them reluctant hugs. He was never an affectionate person unlike his mom. His mother squeezed him, which he just accepted as he stared at the wall and waited for it to be over.

They found themselves at his smaller table, eating one of the few things Deidara knew how to cook. Noodles.

“It’s so quiet around here without your old roommate,” his mother said, looking at him with pleasant, grey eyes.

“I know. Tobi was always filling the silence, yeah. Not a fan of it myself.” Deidara took the time to really observe his parents as he ate.

They looked like they were getting older. His mother was getting a few grey hairs, and his father was losing some hair at the top. They were nearing 55 years old.

The whole time, his mother was the one to make conversation. She always knew to ask about his art, because that got him talking passionately. He explained with excitement his latest creation. The C1 grasshopper.

“Why are you giving them names like they will explode...?”

“Because art is a blast, yeah!”

“Uh, alright. Whatever makes you happy, dear.”

His father was quiet.

He always observed Deidara more than engaged in conversation with him. Deidara never knew what he was thinking, and it made him severely frustrated. Was he happy to see him? Annoyed? 

Disappointed?

He didn’t know.

After dinner and a few moments of talking, his father got his attention.

“Deidara, can I talk to you outside?”

He couldn’t help the way his heart jumped from nervousness. Anything could come out of his mouth.

“Uh, sure.”

His mother helped clean the dishes in the mean time. They stepped outside, and Deidara was hit with a blast of cool air. Fall was soon approaching.

They sat in the lawn chairs Deidara set up, and both faced out into the neighborhood.

His father was the first to speak up. “I can tell there’s something bothering you.”

Deidara looked over at him, trying to mask his emotions. “I’m not upset, hm.”

“Yes you are.” His father looked at him in the eyes intensely. They were a deeper blue than his own. “It looks like you’re constantly worrying about something. You look like you’re not even here. Even now as I’m talking to you.”

Death. Tomorrow. In two days. Next week. Next month. Next year-

Deidara waved his hand in a dismissive motion, and faked a wide grin on his face. “There’s nothing wrong, yeah. Well, I guess some idiot insulted my art.”

It was barely on his mind. Sasori’s insult quickly got shoved down and buried by the truth that was his upcoming death.

“Oh?” His father’s eyes lit up in curiosity, and he asked, “What did they say?”

“They just said it was ridiculous.”

His father shot him a smile.

“Well, don’t let it get to your head. I think your art is great.”

Only his parents could make him happy enough to find light through the time he was going through. 

“Thanks.”

His parents left, and Deidara immediately went to his room to get changed and go to sleep. It was nearing 10:30.

It was silent again. 

Before the silence could bring out the dark thoughts, Deidara immediately turned on his TV.

He pushed everything out of his head as he threw on a comfortable shirt with some sweatpants. 

When he went under the covers and closed his eyes, he tried so hard to only focus on the TV. 

He fell asleep.

—

May 5th had passed.

Deidara was now 27.

No birthday has ever made Sasori feel so melancholy. It seemed as though Deidara felt the same. The blonde went out to eat with Tobi at a nice restaurant before going out to a bar. Deidara made sure to lie about getting over Sasori (which was definitely not true) so Tobi wouldn’t bring it up at dinner. They both got ubers home, and Sasori was currently watching Deidara sit outside with a beer.

He was all smiles and joyful laughter with Tobi. Now back at his own home, he looked like some Halloween decoration that would jump out at strangers.

It was almost haunting. His fingers were gripping the beer can tightly, and the condensation was running down his fingers. His head was laid back, and empty eyes watched the dark neighborhood.

If anyone were to pass by, they would have thought he was dead.

Sasori couldn’t take it. It took a lot to unnerve him, but this was just a whole new level. Seeing Deidara so empty like this was killing him. 

“Hey, are you just gonna keep staring like a mannequin?” Sasori asked him.

Deidara’s eyes slowly blinked.

“Does any of it matter anymore?”

Sasori narrowed his eyes at him. It was just as he feared all those years ago. 

He was giving up.

“You fool. Of course it all matters. There is no point in giving up now. If you try anything stupid, I will stop you, so don’t even think about it.” Sasori’s voice was firm. He wasn’t going to let the idiot slip away and give up. 

“How can it matter when I could die tomorrow, Sasori? I wish you never said anything. If you hadn’t, I wouldn’t worry over it and waste my damn time. You might as well tell me when. It wouldn’t make a difference.”

There was a fire ignited in his eyes now. 

“Deidara, there’s something I need you to understand.” Sasori got closer to him, and leaned down to level with his face. Blue eyes were staring right through him. “You’re worrying everyday over this, and it’s not healthy. You’ve been so depressed and unmotivated for the past few months, and it needs to stop. I won’t allow you waste away like this.”

Deidara didn’t move an inch. “I can’t help it. I could die tomorrow, so I just want to say something...to you.”

Sasori felt his brows rise as he was taken aback. He blinked a few times, then regained his composure as he wondered what the hell Deidara needed to say. It must be pretty important if he needed to say it before dying. 

“What is it then?” he asked, now completely alert for what will come out.

Deidara’s blue eyes began to look around somewhat erratically, as if he was now having second thoughts. His finger was now tapping the can, making an annoying sound repeat through the quiet night. As time passed without a word, Sasori felt an eye roll and a sigh about to make an appearance.

But before he could, Deidara finally confessed.

“I think I love you.” 

‘Well shit,’ Sasori thought. This time, he did let out a sigh.

Deidara immediately wore an expression of pure panic. His ears went red, and he began to mumble out words at a quick speed. “Oh god, why did I say that? Why?! I’m so stupid! You’re just my Guardian Angel, it’s not like you’re even a human-“

“Deidara.”

The blonde snapped out of his state, and brought his full attention towards the other’s voice.

“W-What?! You gonna tell me I’m stupid, hm?”

“No,” Sasori said.

The angel sprout his wings, and used them to fly up to the roof of Deidara’s home. He was leaving Deidara hanging on the unanswered confession, and even though it was cruel, Sasori already knew that Deidara wouldn’t like his response. He didn’t need to be in a rush.

He sat on the edge of the roof, letting his legs dangle as he smoothed down his red robe. His wings disappeared into nothing, and he took the time to stare up at the moon. With no trees in the way, it was now visible. It was pale, bright, and completely full.

“I’ve only ever truly loved one person when I was alive. I’m not exactly familiar with romantic love,” Sasori spoke quietly, somehow hypnotized by the moon’s beauty. 

Deidara was now looking up where he was. “Are you on the roof? Did you fly?”

“Of course. That’s what wings are for. To transport to places you never could before on foot. If I wasn’t tied down, I’d soar the skies all around the afterlife if I could.” Sasori closed his eyes, and remembered the evening skies of the afterlife. It was sad he only had a few moments up there before coming back down.

“So...” Deidara’s voice shook nervously. “...how do you feel about what I just said?”

Sasori thought of Deidara as a new light in his life. While he may have an explosive personality, he was also someone who just wanted to be admired and wanted. His eyes were large and full of so much emotion, and he often found himself staring into them without much thought. His hair was soft and always taken care of, and Sasori loved it most under the setting sun. Sasori thought he was the definition of beautiful, but never would he admit such vulnerable words out loud. 

Maybe he did love him.

Deidara filled that empty void in his heart, and Sasori can only feel happy when the blonde is as well. As long as Deidara was enjoying his life, then Sasori could be at peace.

The stabbing pain only gets worse when he sees Deidara fall down the abyss further everyday.

So, with his mind decided, Sasori responded. 

“Romantic love is complicated. You feel that desire to be with me, don’t you? Maybe I do as well. The thing is, Deidara, is that I am an angel, and you are a human on earth. You can’t even see me. We may love each other, but we could never be together. It’s painful, but it’s the truth.”

This time, he tore his eyes away from the sky and focused on Deidara. The light highlighted the shiny wetness of his eyes, and with that expression of hurt, Sasori had to look away.

Deidara visibly gritted his teeth as he furiously wiped away his unshed tears. Sasori listened as he sniffed. The angel could only watch with remorse.

“I’m sorry,” Sasori said, cutting through the silence. He meant it.

“Is there any other way?” Deidara asked.

Sasori knew that if he wasn’t a damn Guardian, then they could possibly be free in the afterlife. Their forms would become physical to each other, and they could live an eternal life of serenity and love.

Deidara’s soul would leave him behind on earth. The only time they would see each other would be after Deidara’s death when Sasori passes him on. It would only be for a short moment, but Sasori believed it was better than nothing.

“Once you die, our souls will be visible to each other. Something good comes out of it in the end, so don’t be too sad. You can end your time here on a positive note, and I can stay with a positive memory. Think of it like that instead.” Sasori leaned forward, and rested his head on his fist. Deidara’s face finally lit up for the first time since he got back, and it was such a big relief that Sasori let the gentle smile spread on his own face. It was tight, but the happiness was genuine. 

Deidara looked up at the roof with hopeful eyes. “Is that true? Will we be able to see each other?”

The smile melted into a smirk at the excitement, and Sasori nodded his head and said, “Of course it’s true. Is that not what I just said?”

Deidara shrugged. “Well, I’ll look forward to that, hm. I’m still apprehensive of the whole death thing. I don’t think I’ll ever be ready for that.”

Sasori’s smile was wiped away, and he said, “That’s okay, brat. No one is ever truly ready to die.”

They sat quietly for a while after. 

Both confessed that they had feelings for each other, but they understood that they couldn’t have a normal relationship. It just wasn’t possible.

However, they would be able to be with each other for a small moment in the future.

Hopefully it would be enough.

—

“Deidara, just start the damn car and get going!” Sasori’s temper was beginning to rise as he watched the idiot give his mirrors an unsure glance. “You’ve been sitting here for 5 whole minutes. What’s the damn deal, brat?”

“I-“ Deidara paused, and he seemed to choke on his own words as he finally rubbed his forehead in exasperation. “Fuck. What if my death is because of driving?”

Oh no. Sasori leaned back in his seat, running a hand through his hair as he cursed himself for ever alluding that the brat would die soon. The last thing he needed was for Deidara to become fearful of driving. 

“Deidara, just relax. Your driving sucks, but you will be fine, I promise. Stop worrying, and just get going.” 

Deidara nodded to himself, and Sasori figured that the idiot was mentally trying to calm down. Good. Let him do it on his own.

“Okay. You’re right, hm. This is stupid! I just need to be confident-“ Deidara put the car in reverse, and he pulled out of his driveway quick enough to make Sasori grab onto the handle even though he was already dead.

Once they came back from the store safely, Sasori observed Deidara as he paced around the kitchen to cook something.

Knit brows. Fidgety hands. Muttering under his breath. Clearly distracted.

Sasori watched it all with lidded, tired eyes. It was time for the talk that Deidara desperately needed. If it didn’t happen, then Deidara would never relax again.

He waited for Deidara to sit down with his plate, and once he began to slow down on eating, Sasori opened his mouth.

He said assertively, “Brat, I think I need to have a little talk with you. Your nervous actions are giving me a headache and I don’t even get sick anymore.”

Deidara gave an annoyed grunt before saying, “What the hell is it this time?”

“Let’s get straight to the point here. You’re afraid of dying so much that it’s starting to effect your daily activities.”

Deidara of course turned his head as if it wasn’t even true. “That’s not true at all, my man!”

“Yes it is,” Sasori spoke bluntly, “You’re telling me it doesn’t make you hesitant to drive?”

Deidara stayed quiet. It seemed as though Sasori struck a nerve.

He continued, “Well I’m sick of it. Dying is not something you should be so afraid of. Anyone anywhere today could die by any unlucky circumstance. I know-you don’t want to leave the people you love so soon. It’s hard, and I get it, okay? But instead of worrying to death over everything, please just live your life and make the best of it. For me.”

Sasori looked at Deidara once he finished, almost exhausted from all the talking. He didn’t like saying so many things at once, but at times, some things just needed to be said. 

Deidara finally let down his stubborn guard, and looked down at his almost empty plate in thought. 

“I’ll try,” he said. 

Sasori understood that Deidara couldn’t just forget about it after a few words. Most people wouldn’t be able to get that knowledge out of their head easily. Especially when they had things to lose.

However, after seeing the state Deidara has been in, Sasori realized that only he could be the one to blame. He should have never told Deidara he would die soon.

He wasn’t some perfect angel. It was mistakes like these that made him wonder why the hell he even went up instead of down once he passed.

He could only feel guilty.

Finally, he admitted to Deidara that he was sorry for ever telling him he would die.

Deidara said it wouldn’t matter either way anymore. He’d still lose everything if he hadn’t known.

—


End file.
